Bette Jokes / Recent Jokes
You Never Listen
Sarah comes home from her long stay in Uganda and surprises her mother Bette, who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles and serving the matzoh ball soup. Bette is so thrilled she can`t stop hugging and kissing Sarah.
Finally she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about what you were doing."
Sarah says, "Mum, I got married."
"Oy, mazeltov," says Bette, "But how could you do that without telling me? What`s he like? What does he do? Where is he?"
"He`s waiting outside while I tell you."
"What are you talking about? Bring him in. I want to meet my new son-in-law."
Sarah brings him in and to her consternation, Bette sees a black man standing before her wearing an evil grin, a feathered cod piece, an ornate head dress, animal tooth beads and holding a tall spear.
Bette says to Sarah, "You stupid idiot. I said RICH doctor!"
Preparing for a wedding
Benny Goldman had married off four of his children but the fifth was becoming a challenge. Young Solomon had no visible virtues that would make him a desirable husband. He had no charm, intelligence, manners, nor conversation to make up for his poor looks. Yet, to Benny, it was unthinkable that Solomon remained single.
In desperation, Benny met with a Jewish matchmaker who listened and said, "I have just the girl for Solomon -- Princess Anne’s daughter, Zara."
"Who?"
"Zara, granddaughter of the Queen of England, that’s who."
"A shikseh?"
The matchmaker sighed. "In these enlightened times, what`s wrong with a nice Gentile girl? She comes from a good family, with very little anti-Semitism - they fought Hitler, remember. They have excellent social connections, they`re wealthy and the princess is a real beauty. Look, I`ll write the names down together."
Solomon Goldman --- more...