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A man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend offered, "Don't do that!!! There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.00."
The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noises and the various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy labor
It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if more...

Q: Why is a modem better than a woman? A: A modem doesn't mind if you talk to other modems. A modem doesn't complain if you sit and play at the computer all night. A modem will sit patiently and wait by the phone. A modem comes with an instruction manual.

1. It’s an incentive to show up. 2. It leads to more honest communications. 3. It reduces complaints about low pay. 4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 5. It encourages car pooling. 6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don’t care. 7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 8. It makes fellow employees look better. 9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are bombed. 11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. 12. Employees work late since there’s no longer a need to relax at the bar. 13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas. 14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break. 15. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked. 16. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

One day Nasrudin saw a strange-looking building at whose door a contemplative Yogi sat. The Mulla decided that he would learn something from this impressive figure, and started a conversation by asking him who and what he was.
"I am a Yogi," said the other, "and I spend my time in trying to attain harmony with all living things."
"That is interesting," said Nasrudin, "because a fish once saved my life."
The Yogi begged him to join him, saying that in a lifetime devoted to trying to harmonize himself with the animal creation, he had never been so close to such communion as the Mulla had been.
When they had been contemplating for some days, the Yogi begged the Mulla to tell him more of his wonderful experience with the fish, "now that we know one another better."
"Now that I know you better," said Nasrudin, "I doubt whether you would profit by what I have to tell."
But the Yogi more...

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me up for that? Did I mention the video camera? Do you smell something burning? (In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead... Try breathing through your nose. A little rug burn never hurt anyone! Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant? Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? But whipped cream makes me break out. Person 1: This is your first time... right? Person 2: Yeah... today. Hurry up! This room rents by the hour! Can you please pass me the remote control? Do you accept Visa? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ On second thought, let's turn off the lights. And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend! So much for mouth-to-mouth. (Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay? Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober... Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo! Do you get any premium movie channels? Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! (Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just more...

17. There is no "I" in "teamwork." But there is in "management kiss-up." 16. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. 15. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 14. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security. 13. If you think we're a bad company, you should see the competition. 12. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings--they did it by killing all those who oppose them. 11. We put the "k" in "kwality." 10. 2 days without a human rights violation. 9. Your job is STILL better than asking, "You want fries with that?" 8. We build great products when we feel like it and don't have any reason to call in sick. 7. If at first you don't succeed, try management. 6. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself. 5. The beatings will continue until morale improves. 4. more...

The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman

#10 - You can trade an old. 44 for two new. 22s.

#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.

#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.

#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"

#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN. . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.