Betting Jokes

I put a hundred pounds on a horse.
The fucking thing collapsed.

Have you spent years trying and failing to understand what they're saying?
Just by following these easy steps, you too can hold a conversation with a New Zealander.
What you hear and what it means:
A MEDGEN: visualize, conjure up mentally, John Lennon 's first solo album Imagine, as if it was a Bug Hut in the Land of the Long White Cloud.
BETTING: 'Betting Gloves' are worn by 'betsmen' in 'crucket'.
BRIST: Part of the human anatomy between the 'nick' and the 'billy'.
BUGGER: As in 'mine is bugger then yours'.
CHULLY BUN: 'Chilly bin' also known as an ESKY'
COME YOUSE: Controversial captain of the Australian cricket team who resigned tearfully in favor of Allan Border. Full name: Kimberley John Hughes.
DIMMER KRETZ: Those who believe in democracy.
ERROR BUCK: Language spoken in countries like 'Surria', 'E-Jupp' and 'Libernon. '
EKKA DYMOCKS: University staff.
GUESS: Flammable vapor used in stoves.
CHICK OUT CHUCKS: Supermarket point more...

A bloke walks into a butchers and says to the butcher "are you a betting man?"
"Yes" replied the butcher.
"Well I bet you a tenner you can't reach those pieces of meat up on that wall"
"I'm not taking that on" says the butcher
"I thought you were a betting man" says the bloke
"I am,... but the steaks are too high!"

(This might be an oldie, but I got a grin out of it when I remembered it.)
A fellow sitting in a bar noticed that the bartender was staring at him.
Each time he'd look away and finally came over, a bit embarrassed.
"I'm sorry sir, let me buy you a drink."
He accepted and accepted the subsequent two apologies and drinks.
"Really sir, surely you know this, you must be the ugliest man I've
ever seen and I can't keep from staring at you."
"You think I'm pretty ugly? That ugly? Are you a betting man?"
"Well it depends on what I'm betting on, but I do bet from time to time."
"Do you see that cute little blonde sitting over there with that young
man? I've got $50 that says I'll go over there and pick her up."
The bartender accepted immediately, plopping his $50 on the bar next to
the customer's who had started to approach the table but wheeled and
came back.
"I've got another $50 more...