Staring Jokes

A man on a bus spends much of the journey staring at the guy sitting opposite. Before long the other guy starts staring back and demands to know why he is the focus of so much attention.

“I’m very sorry,” begins the first man, “but if it weren’t for the moustache you’d look just like my wife!”

“But I don’t have a moustache!” protests the other.

“See what I mean?” he replies.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring He replies:
"I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.
Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds,
"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfils the cab
driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts more...

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing and
staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.
The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the
pastor walked up and stood beside him. Gazing up at the plaque, too, he
said quietly, "Good morning son."

"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, not taking his eyes off
the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly,
"Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"

Two women at an art exhibition were staring at a painting entitled, 'Home For Lunch'. The painting was of three totally naked, very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual about the painting was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
The women just stood there in front of it, staring and scratching their heads, trying to figure it out. Just then, the artist walked by and noticed their confusion. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.
"Well, yes," one woman said. "We're very curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"
"Oh, I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting," the artist explained. "The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the man in the middle went 'Home For Lunch'."

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, “Good morning son. ” “Good morning pastor” replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. “Sir, what is this? ” Johnny asked. “Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service, ” replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 8: 30 or the 10: 30 service? ”