Between Jokes / Recent Jokes

Process-Oriented God If God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, so God created a small committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic status in order to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of self-determination according to adjudicatory guidelines. Even God was impressed, and so ended the first day. And God said, “Let the committee draw up a mission statement. ” And behold, the committee decided to prioritize and strategize and God called that process empowerment. And God thought it sounded pretty good. And evening and morning were the second day. And God said, “Let the committee determine goals and objectives and engage in long-term planning. ” Unfortunately, a debate about the semantic differences between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all of the third day. Although the more...

What’s the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

There was a lady who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late! ”

They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self defense.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

There was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell for him. They got married - and now she is going through HELL!

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

How is a man like the weather?
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating more...

Whats the difference between premenstrual tension and BSE? One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.

Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It's all in the grip. Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it. Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? A: Vibrato. Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Five. One to handle the bulb, and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it. Q: If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus? A: The out-of-tune sax player! You were hallucinating the other two. Q: How do you make a chainsaw sound like a bari-sax? A: Add vibrato. Q: What's the definition of a gentleman? A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't! Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Sixty. One to change the bulb and fifty-nine to talk more...

The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket.
The deadline is one week after the original deadline.
The deficiency will never show itself during the test run.
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.
The difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block can be when you see it.
The difference between art and science is that if something works in art, you don't have to explain why.
The difficulty with a research grant is that if you solve the problem, you're out of a job.
The early bird who catches the worm usually works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.
The early worm deserves the bird.
The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.

Q. What's the difference between a regular toad and a horny toad?
A. One says,' 'Rib-it, rib-it,'' while the other says,' 'Rub-it, rub-it.''
Q. What did the father buffalo say to the son buffalo when he left for school?
A. Bison!

Whats the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nun only serves one God.