Between Jokes / Recent Jokes
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
Retired.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb and five to write the environmental impact statement.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
1: How many can you afford?
2: It only takes one to change your bulb... to his.
What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever. Many years ago, a junior partner in a firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney more...
I never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
We've upped out standareds up yours.
Warning signs that your lover is bored:
1. passionless kisses.
2. frequent sighing.
3. moved, left no forwarding address.
No problem is so big or so complicated that can not be run away from.
love may not make the world go round, but i admit that is makes the ride.
If you have something to say, God's sake start at the end.
Remember, if it moves kill it.
Loves is not a union merely between two creatures, it is a union between two spririts.
what do i knew about sex? i am a married man.
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
STRANGE U.S. SEX LAWS
-- In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
-- In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish. (Apparently it's OK for woman.)
-- No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
-- Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.
-- Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude.
-- In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And more...
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
Whats the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo? In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.
Q. Whats the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe? A. You can tune the lawnmower, and the owners neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and dont return it.