Beverly Jokes / Recent Jokes

James and Beverly Jenkins had been married for twelve years when they mutually agreed to end it and get divorced. After the divorce was granted, that same day, as they stood facing each other for what could be the last time, James asked Beverly if she would mind him asking one last question. "Not at all, go right ahead," she replied."Well, their is one thing that has always bother me. We have five kids with brown hair but youngest one, little Jimmy, has blonde hair. So, please tell me, whose kid is Jimmy?""I just can't tell you, James. The answer would hurt you too much.""I'll be fine. Now that we're divorced, finding out whoever Jimmy came from can't hurt me too much.""Well, if it's that important to you...Jimmy is your child."

Banning, Blythe and Barstow no longer qualify as "distressed" cities under federal guidelines, nor do Adelanto, Lake Elsinore, or Loma Linda.
But Beverly Hills does.
According to a new U. S. Department of Housing and Urban Development list, Beverly Hills can apply for about $56 million a year in business development grants reserved for small cities suffering "physical and economic distress."

Before the first day of school, one day, a boy went and laid on top of Beverly Hills and watchd the sunrise. He loved the pretty sight, and was late to school. "Where were you?" asked the mad teacher. "I laid on top of Beverly Hills and watched the sunrise."
The next day, another boy went and laid on top of Beverly Hills and watched the sunrise. He was also late for class. The angry teacher said, "Why are you late Mister?"
"Oh shit!" the boy said. "I was layin' atop a pretty Bev'ly Hills, and watched the sunrise!
The next day, a girl came into the classroom late. The furious teacher said, "Lemme guess, you laid on top of Beverly Hills, and watched the sunrise." The girl looked shocked. "What the fuck are you talking about? Beverly Hills is my best friend!"

I read in an AP newswire dated 10 September 1994 that Fred and Beverly Klatt, who got married in 1987, finally received their marriage license in the mail this week.
Fred said: "I'm sure glad to see that it's official now."
Beverly found the envelope on Wednesday, in an "Express Mail" envelope hanging on their door, postmarked June 10, 1987.
The Klatts claim they still have faith in the postal service, "but not like I used to, that's for sure."

You can learn a lot from reading the graffiti in a bathroom, library or other public area... The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. * Women's rest room, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill. If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here - Your asshole is in Washington!* Men's rest room, Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Wash. Beauty is only a light switch away. * Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, N. C. If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives. * Armand's Pizza, Washington, D. C. Remember, it's not "How high are you?", it's "Hi, how are you?" * Rest stop off Route 81, W. VA. God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?* The Irish Times, Washington, D. C. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. * The Bayou, Baton Rouge, La. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. * Men's rest room, Linda's more...

Q: How many Beverly Hills residents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they have a service come in and do that.

Beverly had decided that she would learn to play golf, so she signed
up for and took lessons. After six months of diligent effort she was
ready to play eighteen holes with three of her friends.
Out on the course she was stung by a bee. Fearing an allergic reaction
she hurried back to the clubhouse to find the pro.
I've been stung by a bee! What shall I do?
Where were you stung?
Between the first and second hole!
Beverly, we need to work on your stance...