Bigger Jokes / Recent Jokes
St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, "You were a good woman. I'm giving you a nice halo." Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the Princess has a much bigger halo. Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, I spent most of my adult life helping the poor and the sickly. Princess Di did no where near the amount of charitable work I did. Why does she have a bigger halo?" St. Peter says, "That's not a halo. That's a steering wheel."
An American arrived in London, employed a guide, walked and got acquainted with the architecture. Soon he became bored with it: "Listen, my friend, why d'you have here everything small-sized? This building, for example, in America it would be in ten times bigger and higher..." "Sure, sir. It is a lunatic asylium."
One day, a female teacher came to class and found the word "Penis" on the board. She rubbed it off and asked the students who wrote it but nobody gave a response. The next day she came to meet the same word on the board but this time bigger than the first. She asked again but nobody said nothing. This went on for a long time and everytime it got bigger and bigger.
The one day the teacher came to school and saw this time "The more you rub it the bigger it becomes".
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.
They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel - they said, because it was bigger.
One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel - they said, because it was bigger.One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.(why wait that long)2) Thou shall not do drugs.(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.(Walmart has a bigger selection)4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.(everyone knows grandma has more money)6) Thou shall not get into fights.(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)7) Thou shall not skip class.(just take the whole day off)8) Thou shall not strip in class.(Hooters pays more)9) Thou shall not think about having sex.(like Nike says, "just do it")10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.(just leave'm in the middle)