Bill Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ok this guy named Rhys david betts walks into a tatoo shop and asked the man if he could put a tatoo of a 100 doller bill on his penis. So the man said that it was no problem.Later the man asked Rhys why he wants a 100 bill on this penis. So Rhys then said "My wife hasnt bin giving me blow jobs lately, and she said she could blow a 100 doller bill in no time!!

A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day... when she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $10 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a post in front of the convent.

She couldn't get him off her mind and, thinking that he might be in financial difficulties, she took the $10 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written,' Don't despair, Sister Eulalia,' and threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street.

The next day she was in her cell saying her beads when she was told that some man was at her door who insisted on seeing her.

She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of more...

There once was a boy who needed four spelling words so he asked his mother who said shut up,
then he asked his brother who said yeah, yeah, yeah, he asked his sister who said lollipop,
lollipop....., he asked his dad who was watching politics and he sa id Bill Clinton. Then when his
teacher asked him for his spelling words he said shut up and she said you're going to the principal's
office young man and he said yeah, yeah, yeah. So he went. The principal chewed him out and said
what do you think you deserve? He said lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli-lollipop, then the principal said
who do you think you are? He said Bill Clinton.
Heard from a friend.

In March, 1999 a man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW) received a bill for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.In April he received another bill and threw that one away too. The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send them $0.00 by return mail. He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a computer error and they would take care of it.The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome gas line figuring that if there was usage on the account it would put an end to this ridiculous predicament. However, when he went to use the gas, it had been cut off.He called the gas company who apologised for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to them the previous day the latest more...

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1, 000 bones in the human body?
Patient: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't
find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober".

Nurse: "Doctor, don't cut so deep.
That's the third operating table you've ruined this month!"

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant,
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you *idiot*!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"

Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.
Psychiatrist: more...

There are five people on a plane that's crashing. There is the pilot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and a big, fat lady and four parachutes. The pilot jumps out and yells, ''God bless me!'' Bill Gates jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and my bank account!'' Michael Jordan jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and my team!'' Wayne Gretzky jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and the New York Rangers!'' The big, fat lady jumps out without a parachute and yells, ''God bless me and the people I land on!''

According to Computing, quoting (of all things) Ladies Home Journal:
Bill Gates was being treated to a McDonald's by billionaire investor Warren Buffett during a 1995 visit to Beijing.
At the cashier's, the pair scrabbled around and both produced money-off vouchers they'd brought with them.