Bill Clinton Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three young college students are on vacation in Washington, DC. One day they are walking together past the White House when they hear the voice of a man crying out, "Help, Help." Quickly, they respond to the call by leaping over the White House fence, and by following the cries, they eventually come upon Bill Clinton, drowning in the White House swimming pool. In an heroic rush, they pull him from the pool, then give him artificial respiration, clearly saving his life. After a few minutes, Clinton says to them, "Well, boys, today you saved my life! And I am willing to give each of you any wish you desire, as long as it is within my power as President!" The first fellow thinks for a few seconds then says, "I have always wanted to go to West Point. Can you get me an appointment?" "You bet!" said the President, "I'll sign the papers this afternoon!" Then the second fellow said, "I've always wanted to go to Annapolis. Can you get me more...
USA Today reports that 9/11 put anonymous faces on the front page of history.
Former President Bill Clinton boasted, "I knew about Osama Bin Laden when he was a nobody."
Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish."The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks."Oh, HE'll have the fish." Hillary replies.
Bill, Al, and Hillary all die in a plane crash. Upon reaching Heaven, they are escorted as important personages directly to see God. God looks at Bill and asks, "Bill, you've sinned a great deal. Why should I allow you to enter into Heaven?"
"Well, gee, God," replies Bill, "I'm the Pres-ee-dent of the United States. I've been trying to help people - you know give them universal health care and protect them from those mean-spirited Republicans who want to starve their children and throw sick old people out into the street." God considers this a moment and says, "Oh, okay. Sit over here on my left." He turns to Al. "Al, why should I let you into Heaven?" "Well, Lord, I'm the Vice President of the United States. I've tried to protect the environment from abuse by those mean-spirited Republicans and even wrote a very important book about it." God thinks a moment and says, "All right. Sit over here on my right. Now, more...
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?""That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie.""Whose clock is that?""That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life.""Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked."Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
President Barack Obama on Saturday enlisted the help of his twopredecessors, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton, to lead a national driveto raise money for earthquake-ravaged Haiti. Obama is calling this Operation "You Guys Sucked Now Redeem Yourself".