Billy Jokes / Recent Jokes

RUDOLPH'S NIGHT OFF
by Baxter Black
"Twas the night before Christmas and Rudolph was lame!
The vet from the North Pole said, "Footrot's to blame
I'll give him some sulfa, it's the best I can do
But stall rest is needed the next week or two."
"Great Scott!" cried old Santy, he turned with a jerk.
I won't git through Pierre if my headlight don't work!
On Interstate 40 I'll surely get fined
And lost in Montana if I'm flying blind!"
"No cop in his right mind would give any clout
To a geezer who claimed that his reindeer went out!"
He gathered the others, ol' Donner and Blitzen.
Were any among 'em whose nose was tranmitzen?
They grunted and strained and made sure made a mess
But no noses glowed brightly or ears luminesced.
"It's bad luck in bunches," cried Santy, distressed.
"We'll fly Continental, the Red Eye express!
"I'll just check the schedule," he more...

Billy was 14 and just started jerkin off. He loved to jerk off. However, one day, his dad walked in on him while he was jerkin off! Billy was so embarrassed. He pulled up his pants as quick as he could. But, his dad already seen him." Billy," said his dad, "doing that will make you go blind""Dad," he replied, "I'm over here!"

A nun walks out of a church and sees two little boys kneeling down with their penises stuck in the snow. She runs over to them and asks "Billy, Jimmy what are you doing?"
Billy replies "Oh, Father O'Sullivan likes a couple cold ones after the service"

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first,"

she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell.

Billy's father answered the door.

The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a more...

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal."See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."

RUDOLPH'S NIGHT OFF
by Baxter Black
"Twas the night before Christmas and Rudolph was lame!
The vet from the North Pole said, "Footrot's to blame
I'll give him some sulfa, it's the best I can do
But stall rest is needed the next week or two."
"Great Scott!" cried old Santy, he turned with a jerk.
I won't git through Pierre if my headlight don't work!
On Interstate 40 I'll surely get fined
And lost in Montana if I'm flying blind!"
"No cop in his right mind would give any clout
To a geezer who claimed that his reindeer went out!"
He gathered the others, ol' Donner and Blitzen.
Were any among' em whose nose was tranmitzen?
They grunted and strained and made sure made a mess
But no noses glowed brightly or ears luminesced.
"It's bad luck in bunches," cried Santy, distressed.
"We'll fly Continental, the Red Eye express!
"I'll just check the more...

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
“My name is Billy. What’s yours? ” asked the first boy.
“Tommy, ” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living? ” asked Billy.
Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer. ”
“Honest? ” asked Billy.
“No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.