Billy Jokes / Recent Jokes
A second grade teacher asked her students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful," the teacher said, "and how about you, Annie?"
Annie shyly stood up, shuffled her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Annie. What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."
The teacher, stunned, promptly changed the subject to spelling. Later that day she called Billy's house. Billy's father answered the phone. The teacher explained what his son had said, and asked why he would say such a horrible thing.
Billy's father explained, "I'm actually a family court judge. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
The harbormaster was having troubles with his two young boys, so he decided to send them to Rev. Hawkins for some help.
The next morning Billy, aged 8, was sent. Upon arriving, the Rev. sat him down and sternly asked, "Where is God ?"
Billy sat there speechless, so the Rev asked louder, "Where is God ?"
Again no answer came from Billy, so the Rev. shook his finger in Billy's
face and screamed, "WHERE IS GOD ?"
Billy screamed and bolted from the room, ran right home and dove into his closet, shutting the door behind him.
His older brother Joe watched this, slowly opened the door and asked,
"What happened to you ?"
Billy yelled, "We're in big trouble this time, dude. God is missing and
they think WE did it. "
Sue Ellen passed away so Billy Bob called 911. The operator promised to send someone out immediately and asked him where he lived.
"Right at the end of Eucalyptus Road," Billy Bob replied.
"Could you spell that for me please?" the operator asked.
After a very lengthy pause Billy Bob said, "How' bout I just drag her on over to Pine Street and y'all can pick her up there?"
Teacher: Billy, please don't whistle while studying. Billy: Oh, but I'm not studying - just whistling!
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
When someone wants an expensive gift, I pretend I misunderstood what they asked for. Like when I bought my nephew a cardboard egg container for Christmas:
Me: “Alright, Billy, there’s your gift.”
Billy: “But I wanted a video game.”
Me: “Ooohhh, I thought you wanted an EGGSbox. Sorry, well I did get the little notepads with pictures of bicycles on them that you wanted."
Billy: “I wanted a stationary bike, not bike stationary, you dick.”
Me: “My bad.”
After signing a deal to coach the Orlando Magic, Billy Donovan went back to the University of Florida. As part of a big misunderstanding, Al Sharpton demanded a public apology after hearing Donovan’s desire to “renege”.