Bless Jokes / Recent Jokes
Heavenly Father up above;
Bless this guy I truly love.
Bless his hair that sometimes curls;
Keep him away from other girls.
Bless his hands that sometimes roam;
Let them roam on me alone.
Bless his legs that run so fast;
Bless his little sexy ass.
Bless the places where we laid;
Bless the gap which he has made.
Bless the places where we fucked;
Bless my breast on which he sucked.
Bless the places that were dark;
Bless my neck on which he marked.
Bless the thickness of his sperm;
Protect it from numeral germs.
Bless his body I love to quench;
Bless his tongue I love to french.
Bless my voice for when I squeal;
Bless his penis I love to feel.
Bless his ass I love to squeeze;
Bless his balls I love to please.
And if he reads this prayer of mine;
I hope it blows his f*cking mind.
It's Father O'Brien's night to hear confessions, and there are four nuns in the lineup. The first nun goes into the confessional and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, and I should let you know right off that I touched a man with my finger!"
"Oh lass!' Tis nothin', you could have been in a crowded elevator or some similar place," the priest says.
"Oh no, Father!" exclaims the nun. "I touched him right on his private parts!" >
"You slut! You filthy tart!" screams the good father. "Say a hundred Hail Mary's and dip your finger in the holy water on the way out of the church!" Which she does.
The second nun enters the confessional and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, and I want to say that I held a man with my hand."
"Oh lass!' Tis nothin', you might have stumbled and he lent you a hand," the priest says.
"Oh no, Father!" exclaims the nun. "I more...
Now I lay me down to sleep,
from the nightstand buttons beep.
PC all set to download a file,
and send the mail in a little while.
Then gather the news before the dawn,
and all the scores from fans long gone.
The AC is set to cut back on cool;
Lights to blink, the burglars to fool.
Alarm clock set on delayed shutoff;
CD to play some, then cutoff.
Sleep-maker set on medium tension,
Voice mail set on no-wake suspension.
Burglar alarm on delay activate;
Carport lite on, for son who's late.
Mr. Coffee all set to percolate;
Dishwasher to run at ten of eight.
Air purifier cleans each hour tonite;
Water filter to fill the tank just right.
VCR to tape three good shows,
Something to watch during winter snows.
Motion detectors on, to check what moves;
White noise machine set to seaside soothes.
Camcorder is ready to film in a flash
Blender's all set, the fruit to mash.
Lord, Bless our all-electric more...
Now I lay me down to sleep, from the nightstand buttons beep.PC all set to download a file, and send the mail in a little while.Then gather the news before the dawn, and all the scores from fans long gone.The AC is set to cut back on cool;Lights to blink, the burglars to fool.Alarm clock set on delayed shutoff;CD to play some, then cutoff.Sleep-maker set on medium tension, Voice mail set on no-wake suspension.Burglar alarm on delay activate;Carport lite on, for son who's late.Mr. Coffee all set to percolate;Dishwasher to run at ten of eight.Air purifier cleans each hour tonite;Water filter to fill the tank just right.VCR to tape three good shows, Something to watch during winter snows.Motion detectors on, to check what moves;White noise machine set to seaside soothes.Camcorder is ready to film in a flashBlender's all set, the fruit to mash.Lord, Bless our all-electric domain;Keep lightning away should it rain.Let no errant shock reset it all;Watch over the breaker box in the hall.I'm more...
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and
listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God
bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa."
The father said "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing
to
do."
The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her
prayers, which went like this: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and
good-bye grandma."
Next day the grandmother died.
My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other
side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her
say
"God bless mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up
at
the more...
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his more...