Blues Jokes / Recent Jokes

15> Willie' White Shoes After Labor Day' Lumpkin

14> Charlie' Sittin' in First Class & Cheerful as Hell' Pickett

13> Al' Lightnin'' Gore

12> The Suspiciously Clean-Shaven, Well-Coiffed Artist in the Dark Glasses Who Won't Admit That He Was Formerly Known As John Tesh And is Now Playing Barrelhouse Boogie-Woogie To Earn A Buck

11> John Lee Crackwhore

10> Timmy' Up With People' Perkyman

9>' Portly Dan' Aykroyd & Bruce' Shinehead' Willis

8> Matt' Sleeping with Cameron Diaz' Dillon

7> Winston P.' Sunshine Man' Walthrop III, King of the Cape Cod Blues

6> Tiny Red Johnson

5> Screamin' Josh Rabinowitz

4> Mack' Crusty Underthings' Morton

3> Stanley' Stank Ass' Wilson

2> Bawlin' Wimp

1> Luther' Kill Me, Just Kill Me' Johnson

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink? ” The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening? ” The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him more...

Q: How many blues musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to go to Chicago because there might be a lightbulb there and the other to play harp.

COMPUTER BLUES
Yes, well, OK, so, technically I didn't really write this article as such
and I guess I probably don't deserve the money or fame that will no doubt
result from this groundbreaking piece of journalism but in all fairness it
is really funny. This is in case you feel inadequate when dealing with
computers. This should make you feel much better. I received this via
e-mail and have no idea where it came from but apparently it's true and
considering the proliferation of personal computers in the last several
years I don't doubt any of these stories.
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic
bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another more...

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, and then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him more...

The Information Highway Blues

My baby`s got my 486.
My cellular phone`s on the blink.
My fax`s gone off to fax heaven,
And Pay For View stinks.
I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues.
I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues.
I lost my account on the Internet.
My email`s been revoked.
My modem`s stuck at 300 baud,
And my terminal just blinks.
I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues.
I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues.
My head spins from Virtual Reality.
I don`t have Video on demand.
I can`t read my Personal Newspaper,
And Shop At Home has kinks.
I missed the on-ramp, to the Information Highway bluuuues.
I missed the onnnn-ramp, to the Information Highway blues.
Jack "Blues" Jung, Toronto, September 1994.

A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world. . .

* United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 *

1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can't have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend less on shampoo.

2) Dress blues. They're the coolest uniforms in any military worldwide.

3) Bloused trousers. Another distinctive Marine look that sets the proudest service members apart.

4) The rest of the Marine sea bag. From the Alphas to the camouflage utilities, uniforms just look better on a Marine than any other service member.

5) Marines don't wear dungarees.

6) Most respect I. When the Marines pulled out of Haiti and Somalia, the media reported the U. S. military was pulling out -- as if tens of thousands of Army troops weren't still in the country. Now that's respect.

7) Most respect II. When the Corps came back more...