Bono Jokes / Recent Jokes
Just imagine if the following people got married...
If Yoko Ono had married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, hey! it's the '90's!, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Monster.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
Nog (Quark's brother on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then more...
A friend of mine told me the other day that Sonny Bono was thinking of
running for the Senate in California. If Sonny Bono becomes Senator
Bono, does that mean we have to find a different nickname for Teddy
Kennedy?
Chastity Bono has decided to swap out her vagina for a penis.
Sonny Bono would be spinning over in his grave...
but the skis wont let him.
If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it's the' 90's!), he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd more...
Some Politicatl Quotes as collected in "They Said That!" by Larry Engelman
Like we say in Texas, if goofy ideas ever go to $40 a barrel, I want the drilling rights to Dick Armey's head.
Clinton advisor Paul Begala, 1998
If Jerry Brown is the answer, it must be a very peculiar question.
Sen. Lloyd Bentsen, 1992
This is Jerry Brown. Thanks for calling. And please do everything you can to assist and be an active member in the insurgent campaign to take back America. To speak to a live human being, dial zero.
-- Taped message on the Jerry Brown for President office phone in Santa Monica, Calif., 1992
She's not my type, let's put it that way. She wouldn't pass the test. Yes, the Bono test.
Sonny Bono, on Hillary Clinton, 1995
This year's elections are like a horse race. They end up exactly where they started. And when they're done, manure is everywhere.
Jay Leno, 1994
Many Americans more...
After big tragedies the net often swims with humor about the people and event involved. Some people think this is a healing process, others find it in bad taste.
WARNING: DO NOT READ If think you might be offended by Sonny Bono death jokes.
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What do Cher and a 50 year old Redwood have in common?
They both got nailed by Sonny Bono. .
What's the difference between Al Gore and Sonny Bono?
One's a tree-hugging stiff...
and the other's a tree-hugging stiff.
That makes it...
TREES. ........ 2
Celebrites. ... 0
Death by snow:
Michael Kennedy,
Sonny Bono,
Chris Farley
What was the most surprising thing about the discovery of Sonny's body?
That he was recognized.
Why did Sonny die in a ski accident?
After being a mayor and a congressman, he wanted to be a Kennedy.
Police reported it was a quick more...
"Bono, Yoko. Yoko, Bono"
"I'm sorry, but no one under 18 will be admitted unless they're Bill Wyman's date"
"Jerry Garcia couldn't make it tonight - here to accept on his behalf is a bearded fat guy we pulled in off the street"
"Is that feedback or is Yoko Ono singing?"
"Here, take Cesar Romero's seat"
"How did Tonya Harding get voted in?"
"What a coincidence, Mr. McCartney! I played you in the Chicago cast of 'Beatlemania', and now I'm your waiter!"
"On no, they're letting Letterman perform!"
(Here they showed the now famous clip of a guy that looks like Dave playing the violin and singing "Camptown Races")
"Earthquake! Oh wait, Meat Loaf just fell off his chair"
"Run for your life it's Elton John's hair!"