Boobs Jokes / Recent Jokes

Raquel Welch, Dolly Parton and Princess Di all die on the same day. Raquel gets to heaven first and St. Peter says to her, "So why should I let you in through the Pearly Gates?" She smiles, takes off her shirt and waves her boobs around and he says, "Oh. . . I see. OK, you're in."
Dolly shows up next and St. Peter asks the same question. So she takes off her shirt, waves her boobs around and he says, "Oh yes, you may go in, too."
Finally, Princess Di arrives and St. Peter asks the same question to her. Instead of taking off her shirt, though, she reaches into her bag and pulls out a douche. "Wait a minute!" St. Peter exclaims. "What are you doing? I can't let you in with that!"
"I'm sorry," Di says. "But where I come from a Royal Flush always beats two pair."

A flat-chested young lady goes to Dr. Smith for advice about enlarging her breasts. He tells her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the tip of your breasts and say, "Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger boobies."
She did this every day faithfully and after several months, it worked! She grew great boobs!
One morning she was running late and she was on the bus when she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point she loved her new boobs and didn't want to lose them, so right in the middle of the bus - "Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?"
"Why, yes, I do. How did you know?"
"Hickory dickory dock."

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
10. When we have to go more...

She went to her doctor, Dr. Smith, and questioned him about implants. He explained that, before doing anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of patients. "Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say, 'Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies,"' he tells her. She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed. One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says "Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies". The man standing next to her says, "You go to Dr. Smith?" "Yes," she said, "how did you know?" He replies "Hickory dickory dock!"

one day a boy wanted $5 dolars from his dad. the dad said no unless u can make ur dick touch ur ass. the boy tried but said no. the next day he trained to make his dick touch his ass but couldnt do it. the next day the boy somehow found $5 and use it on a lottery ticket. he won $100,000,000. his dad lost all his money due to 1 reason. he was training to make his nipples become boobs. the dad said to the boy can i have some money. can ur dick touch ur ass and woah! wat the hell are those! said the boy boobs said dad. later he said yes and showed him how to make his dick touch his ass. the boy said FUCK YOU!!!

A Family, a boy and his parents went to a nude beach while they were on holiday.
The little boy was building sandcastles when he noticed some women had bigger boobs than his mum. Confused he went to his mum, "
Mummy mummy, why do some women have bigger boobs than you?"
His mum laughed and replied "
Honey, the bigger boobs they have, the dumber they are"
Please with the answer the little boy carried on building sandcastles, when he noticed some men had bigger willy's than his dad. Confused he went to his dad, "
Daddy, daddy, why do some men have bigger willys than you?"
His dad laughed and replied "
Son, the bigger the willy, the dumber the guy"
Later the boy said to his mum "
Mummy, Daddy was talking to the DUMBEST girl on the beach, and the more he spoke the dumber he got"

What do you call a man with 10 rabbits up his bum?
Warren.

What do you call two Canadian lesbians in a canoe?
Fur traders.

What do you call a lesbian from Alaska?
Klondike.

What do you call an exhausted bear?
Winnie the Pooped!

What do you call an independently wealthy woman in Texas?
A divorcee.

What do you call an intelligent man in the United States?
A tourist.

What do you call Bob the Mailman after he gets fired?
Bob.

What do you call boobs on a Girl Scout?
Brownie points.

What do you call Bob the Mailman after he gets fired?
Bob.

What do you call boobs on a Girl Scout?
Brownie points.

What do you call a prostitute who works in Chicago and New York? The tail of two cities.

What do you call an Irish homosexual?
Gay-lick.

What do you call an Italian with an IQ of 180?
Sicily.

What do more...