Books Jokes / Recent Jokes
Children Books That Didn't Make It To The Press: Children Books You Won't Eever See... 1... You Are Different and That's Bad2... The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables3... Dad's New Wife Robert4... Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share5... Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book6... The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking7... Kathy Was So Bad Her Mum Stopped Loving Her8... Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence9... All Cats Go to Hell! 10... The Little Sissy Who Snitched11... Some Kittens Can Fly. 12... That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption13... Grandpa Gets a Casket14... The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator15... Garfield Gets Feline Leukaemia16... The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy17... Strangers Have the Best Candy18... Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way19... You Were an Accident20... Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will21... Pop! Goes The Hamster... And Other Great Microwave Games22... The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan23... more...
One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwins Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brothers keeper or my keepers brother."
From one of Tom Clancy's books: Commanding officer: "Alright! How about an attitude check???" Crew (In Unison): "I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" CO: "Now, let's be more positive..." Crew: "I POSITIVELY HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" CO: "OK, How about a negative attitde check..." Crew: "I DON'T LIKE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" CO: "OK, How about a short attitude check. .?" Crew: "FUCK THIS PLACE!"
1. Britney Spears & Eminem
who, combined, have written more books than they've read.
2. Dr. Phil McGraw
who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most hight-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues.
3. America's Oil Companies
for a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water don't mix.
4. Yasser Arafat & Ariel Sharon
for those 2 consecutive days last March when no Israelis or Palestinians killed each other.
5. Bill Gates
for creating the X-Box and convincing Americans that their children need a $200 video game system during a recession.
6. The Editors of Maxim
for managing to create 300 magazine pages a month using no other subjects besides beer and models.
7. Jared
of the Subway Sandwich fame, whose claim of losing hundreds of pounds and achieving optimum health by eating nothing but oversized, greasy heroes was questioned by more...
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day. No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth. Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms. Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude.(Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds! The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide more...
MEMO TO: All Hospital Staff
FROM: Administration/Groundskeeper
SUBJECT: New Cost Cutting Measures
Effective January 1 this hospital will no longer provide security. Each charge nurse will be issued a. 38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in the pharmacy. In addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the park areas.
In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security surveillance duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching cardio and security monitors as well as continuing previous secretarial duties.
Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to let their families know to bring something, or may make arrangements with Subway, Domino's, etc., before meal time. Coin-operated telephones will be available in the patient more...
1. Britney Spears & Eminem: Who, combined, have written more books than they've read.
2. Dr. Phil Mcgraw: Who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most hight-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues.
3. America"s Oil Companies: For a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water don"t mix.
4. Yasser Arafat & Ariel Sharon: For those 2 consecutive days last March when no Israelis or Palestinians killed each other.
5. Bill Gates: For creating the X-Box and convincing Americans that their children need a $200 video game system during a recession.
6. The Editors of Maxim: For managing to create 300 magazine pages a month using no other subjects besides beer and models.
7. Jared: Of the Subway Sandwich fame, whose claim of losing hundreds of pounds and achieving optimum health by eating nothing but oversized, greasy heroes was questioned by no more...