Boring Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants goal when the Elephants left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think youre doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didnt mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

IT'S OFFICIAL: CHEMISTRY LECTURES ARE A YAWN.
October 9, 1995

A scientist has come up with proof of something students have known for years -- chemistry lectures are boring. In an article published in the current issue of Chemistry in Britain, a university chemistry lecturer introduced a guest lecturer to a class of 50 doctoral candidates.

Then, he and his colleagues studied variations in what he calls the HTFDR -- "head-to-floor distance reduction." After about an hour, the average HTFDR dropped from 135cm to 121cm, said the author of the study, who preferred to remain anonymous.

The HTFDR immediately bounced back to normal when the speaker uttered the magic words: "And in conclusion. . . "

Nothing is so boring as listening to someone else describe a dream.

*** You just can't win, and here are the reasons why: ***
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't more...

*** You just can't win, and here are the reasons why: ***If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive.If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, more...