Boris Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill and Boris are taking a break from a long summit. Boris says to Bill, "Bill, you know, I have a big problem. I don't know what to do about it. I have a hundred bodyguards and one of them is a traitor. I don't know which one." "Not a big deal Boris, I'm stuck with a hundred economists I have to listen to all the time before any policy decision, and only one tells the truth but it's never the same one."

A man is walking around the streets of New York one day when he spies an old friend of his from college.

"Boris!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"

"Well," Boris replies. "I am the piccolo player for the International Orchestra."

"Spectacular!" the man replies.

"It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for the king of England, he loves the music. He says' Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the tuba with gold and they fill the trombone with gold, and me with the goddamn piccolo."

"We play for the queen of France. She loves the music; she says' Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the tuba with silver and they fill the trombone with silver, and me with the goddamn piccolo."

"Then we play for the Czar of Russia. He hates the music; he say' Shove the instruments up their asses!' and the tuba more...

Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not" changing his mind.Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news... there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have good news and terrible news. The first is that there "is" a God. The second is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First, God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the more...

Q: How are Boris Becker and President Clinton alike? A: Both aren't as successful when they're not on grass.

God, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Boris Yeltson are all at dinner. In the middle of dinner God says, "Tomorrow I am going to destroy the world.
Boris Yeltson goes back to Russia and tells his cabinet 2 bad things god does exist and tomorrow he's going to destroy the world.
Clinton goes back to the U.S.A. and tells everyone that there is 1 good thing and 1 bad thing the good thing is god really does exist and the bad thing is he is going to destroy the world tomorrow.
Gates goes back to Microsoft and says 2 great things I'm one of the 3 most important people in the world and the Y2K (Year 2000) problem is solved.

Q: What did Boris Yelstin say when asked if meeting Clinton made want to convert Russia to the type of government they have in America? A: "Never! I'm not going to let my wife run the country!!"

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited on the eve of the millennium to have dinner with God. After a little bit of small talk, God informed them that he would be destroying the earth the next day. Upon returning to earth, they each made announcemnts."I have two piece of bad news," said Boris Yeltsin. "One, God does exist. Two, all of the earth will be destroyed tomorrow.""I have some good news and some bad news," said Bill Clinton. "First, the good - God does exist. And the bad - the earth will be destroyed tomorrow.""I have some great news!" said Bill Gates. "One, I'm one of the three most important people on earth. Two, we've got this Y2K thing solved!"