Boris Jokes

A man is walking around the streets of New York one day when he spies an old friend of his from college. "Boris!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"

"Well," Boris replies. "I am the piccolo player for the International Orchestra."

"Spectacular!" the man replies.

"It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for the King of England, he loves the music. He says' Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the tuba with gold and they fill the trombone with gold, and me with the goddamn piccolo. We play for the Queen of France. She loves the music. She says' Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the tuba with silver and they fill the trombone with silver, and me with the goddamn piccolo. Then we play for the czar of Russia. He hates the music. He says' Shove the instruments up their asses!' and the tuba doesn't fit and the trombone doesn't fit, AND ME WITH more...

Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not" changing his mind.
Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news... there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have good news and terrible news. The first is that there "is" a God. The second is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First, God thinks I am one of the three most important more...

Recently, President Clinton and Boris Yeltsin had a conference on
the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases in
their countries. Yeltsin asked Clinton how he and his
administration are attempting to stop the spread of AIDS.
"We promote abstinence in the United States," Clinton told him.
"That would never work in the USSR," Yeltsin replied. "People are
going to have sex, and the government can`t do or say anything
to stop that. I want to promote the use of condoms in my
country. The problem is, we don`t have any good condom companies
in Russia."
"Well, in the US we have many condom companies, and one of the
best is Trojan," Clinton told him. "Let me give the president of
the company a call. I`ll ask him to send some condoms to you, so
you can distribute them in your country. How many do you want?"
"We`d probably need about 5 million or so to more...

God, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Boris Yeltson are all at dinner. In the middle of dinner God says, "Tomorrow I am going to destroy the world.
Boris Yeltson goes back to Russia and tells his cabinet 2 bad things god does exist and tomorrow he's going to destroy the world.
Clinton goes back to the U.S.A. and tells everyone that there is 1 good thing and 1 bad thing the good thing is god really does exist and the bad thing is he is going to destroy the world tomorrow.
Gates goes back to Microsoft and says 2 great things I'm one of the 3 most important people in the world and the Y2K (Year 2000) problem is solved.

Mr Boris Yeltsin, the President of Russia, Mr Bill Clinton, the President of USA, and Mr Ernesto Zedillo, the President of Mexico were together in France in a restaurant.
The captain, honoured by such distinguished presence, approached them and asked politicly,' Le aperitif?'
All of them answered,' Oui.'
He then proceeded to ask their preferences individually. Starting with His Excellency Ernesto Zedillo, he queried,' Le tequila?'
'Oui,' answered His Excellency.
The captain looked at Mr Boris Yeltsin, and asked,' Le vodka?'
'Oui,' answered the President of Russia.
Finally, the captain approached the President of USA and asked, lLe whisky?'
'Don't mention that b....,' reacted Bill Clinton sharply.