Born Jokes / Recent Jokes

During an International conference, three scientists, an American, a German, and an Indian, were
talking and bragging about the technological advances their respective countries have achieved
in the field of medicine.
The American said "In Washington, there was a baby boy born without arms so we attached
artificial arms on him. And now that he's grown up and became an Olympic professional boxer and
a gold medalist! "
The German replied, "That's nothing to what we have achieved. Back in Berlin, there was a baby
girl born without legs so weattached a pair of artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time
Olympics arathon gold medalist! "
The Indian interjected " Is that all you have achieved, just gold medalists? In Patna, Bihar
we had a baby boy born without a HEAD! We attached a COCONUT and called him Laloo and he has
grown up and now he is the Chief Minister of Bihar! "

Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.
Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A. Have sex once a year.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
A. Then the jig is up.
Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are more...

A young Indian boy came back to the reservation for a family visit after his first year at college. When his dad asked him about his first year at school, he said: I'm having trouble with people making fun of me, especially my Indian name. How did you come to give your children such odd names"? His father said: "When your brother was born, I looked out the teepee and I saw an eagle flying so I named him Little Eagle and when your sister was born, I looked out the teepee and saw a deer grazing, so I named her spotted fawn. Why do you ask, Two Dogs F*cking"?

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper.This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it
anymore. They decided to try and convert John to Catholicism.They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the
Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic." The men were so relieved-now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper more...

Rumor has it that former Spice Girl Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown is pregnant by Eddie Murphy.
Which will make this the world's first baby to be born a has-been.

At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in.The toad says "Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis.""I've told you animals, I can't help you with any big problems," responds the wizard. "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz."So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad."Oh wizard," the elephant begins, "please help me. I was born without a trunk."Now the wizard is infuriated. "Don't you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!"The elephant responds "But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?""Oh that's easy," says the wizard. "Just follow the yellow dicked toad!"

I was born by caesarian section, but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.