Boston Red Sox Jokes

The Boston Red Sox agreed to a $5 million contract with Tim Wakefield. The contract spans two years, or one pitch from Tim Wakefield.

David Ortiz says players who test positive for steroids should be suspended from baseball for the whole season. Ortiz is confident saying that, since his drug of choice is gravy.

Boston Red Sox hurler Daisuke Matsuzaka allowed five runs in the first inning of a rehab start. That's the worst rehab start since Amy Winehouse.

Red Sox reliever Jonathan Papelbon invented a new pitch: a combination cutter and slider that he calls a slutter. The pitch is also known as "The Paris Hilton."

Ted Williams' remains were apparently mistreated by a company that was supposed to freeze and preserve the former Red Sox slugger. This is in direct defiance of the Hall of Famer's instructions: "Cut off my head, put it in the freezer, and then continue to treat it with the utmost of respect!"