Memories Jokes

A Mississippi professor was at a party and became indignant when asked if college professors were absent-minded. "Professors haven't got bad memories," he declared. "They're not absent-minded. Don't you think I know where I am right now, and don't you think tomorrow I'll know where I was last night? Would somebody like to ask me another question?" "Yes," said another guest. "Is it true that professors are absent-minded and have bad memories?" "Good!" said the professor. "I knew sooner or later somebody would ask me that question."

A Minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, "Today, church, I am going to say a single word and you aregoing to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind."

The pastor shouted out, "Cross."

Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross."

The Pastor hollered out, "Grace."

The congregation began to sing, "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound."

The Pastor said, "Power."

The congregation sang, "There is Power in the Blood."

The Pastor said, "Sex."

The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.

Suddenly, from the back of the church, a frail little 87 year-old grandmother stood up and, in a tiny more...

Q: What would you do w/out your memories?
A: Forget

Memories
Moishe, 79, was talking to Yankel, 83, who had just dropped in for a chat and a moan.
"Moishe, I`m not the same any more. I can`t remember so many things!"
"It vas the same thing mit myselve! But I took a memory course."
"Vos? Does this help?"
"Sure it does."
"So Moishe, tell me how this vorks."
"This is called mnemonics. You take something that reminds you of other things and so it goes."
"I vant to take this course! Vat is it called?"
"It is called...hum...the name...oy vay...Vait! Vat do you call that flower which people in love give to their girlfriends?"
"A rose, right?"
Moishe immediately shouts upstairs, "Rose, Rose my darling, what is the name of that memory course we took?"

A western reporter goes to Armenia to write articles about that land. He meets an old man in a village and asks him about any memorable events in his life. The old man says "well one time my donkey got lost, so me and my neighbors got some vodka and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the donkey. Then we drank the vodka and one by one started screwing the donkey, it was a lot of fun." The reporter figured he can't write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story. The old man said: "well, one time my neighbor's wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some vodka and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the vodka and one by one screwed the neighbor's wife. It was a lot of fun." The reporter, feeling frustrated, told the old man that he couldn't write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any dramatic or sad memories that he could talk about. more...