Bouncer Jokes / Recent Jokes

So this guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says -"Sorry, bud, you need a tie for this place." Our Hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found. Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says..."Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything!"

A man walks into a bar and finds a jar full of money on the counter. He asks the bartender what it's for. The bartender replies, "Every night we have a contest that you have to complete three tasks to win all the money in the jar."The man asks, "What are the tasks?""First, you have to go over to Jimmy the bouncer and knock him out with one hit.Then, well, there's a pitbull out back and you have to pull its blunt tooth out.Finally, the bosses wife is up stairs and you have to go pleasure her, but you have to put down ten dollars to play." said the bartender."Damn." says the man.Later that night, after several drinks, the man smacks down a ten dollar bill and says, "I'm in."He walks over to the bouncer and swings. One hit he's out cold.The man falls flat on his face also, but gets up and walks out back. All you hear is the dog howling. Then the man steps back in, goes over to the bartender and asks, "Now where's that lady with the more...

Two men from the bronx go to a costume party
but the bouncer wont let them as he says they need costumes.
so one of them splats a custard on his crotch while the other sticks his shlong through a pear sop they go to the party and the bouncer says "what are your costumes?"
the sustard guy says "im fuckin discustad and the pair guy says "im in dispair"
oohhhh that was baaaaaddd!