Bouncer Jokes / Recent Jokes

You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name. You'd only pay $21. 95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck. Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you'd be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14. 4 modems for only $399. 99. The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard. The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known resident. The local post office won't forward your mail to you when you move. If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a form letter saying how you "really are important to us." Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE." Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag more...

Dale Earnheart, Jeff Gordon, Tony Sterut was all trying to get into a strip joint. But the bouncer wouldn't let them so they said who they were and the bouncer said that if their dicks added up to 13 inches he would let them in. So Dale was 5.
Tony was 6.
And Jeff was 2.
So the bouncer let them in. As they was going in Jeff said," Thankfuly I had a hard one on."

So this guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says -
"Sorry, bud, you need a tie for this place."

Our Hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found.

Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says...
"Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything!"

A guy goes to a nightclub and when the bouncer won’t let him in the guy asks, “‘Why not? ”
“Because you’re not wearing a tie, ” says the bouncer.
“But I have come all the way from the other end of town? says the guy.
“Sorry mate, that’s the rules, ” says the bouncer.
So the guy goes back to his car to try and see if he can find a tie or something like one. He finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around himself, and goes back to the club.
“Is this all right? ” he asks the bouncer.
“Well, all right then? replies the bouncer. “But I’ll be watching you - don’t start anything! ”

Note to the civilized world: They don't let dogs into bars in the US.

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Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll with their dogs... One had a Doberman pinscher and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink."

The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead."

They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher? "

The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very more...

A man goes into a bar and sees a pile of cash on a table beneath a big sign that reads "$2,000 Cash Prize! See bartender for details." Keeping one eye on the stack of money, the man goes over and asks the bartender what he has to do to win the prize.
"You have to do three things and its all yours," the bartender says.
"Just three things?" the guy asks, rubbing his hands now and practically salivating at the thought of walking out of the bar $2,000 richer. "What are the three things?"
"Well," the bartender says, "first you have to go over to that 200-pound bouncer and knock him out. After that, I've got a mean-tempered pitbull in the backroom who needs a tooth pulled. Then you have to go and f**k the 80-year-old lady who lives upstairs."
"No problem," the guy says. He struts over to the bouncer and says, "Hey pal your shoelace is untied." When the bouncer looks down at his shoes, the man more...

Two buddies were out one Saturday, walking their dogs. One had a Doberman Pinscher and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?"The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."The bouncer let him in.His buddy with the Chihuahua put on his pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."The man with more...