Bouncer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A drunk man is wandering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into cars and feeling the roofs. The bouncer comes up to him.' What the heck are you doing?!' he asks.' I'm looking for my car and I can't find it!' the drunk replies.' So how does feeling the roofs of these cars help?!' the bouncer asks.' Well, my car has two blue lights, and a siren on the roof!' the drunk replies

There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog."The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He answers, "Yes, they're using them now; they're very good and protect me from robbers, too."The man at the door says, "Come on in."The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts more...

A man walks into a bar and finds a jar full of money on the counter. He asks the bartender what it's for. The bartender replies, "Every night we have a contest that you have to complete three tasks to win all the money in the jar."The man asks, "What are the tasks?""First, you have to go over to Jimmy the bouncer and knock him out with one hit. Then, well, there's a pitbull out back and you have to pull its blunt tooth out. Finally, the bosses wife is up stairs and you have to go pleasure her, but you have to put down ten dollars to play." said the bartender."Damn." says the man. Later that night, after several drinks, the man smacks down a ten dollar bill and says, "I'm in."He walks over to the bouncer and swings. One hit he's out cold. The man falls flat on his face also, but gets up and walks out back. All you hear is the dog howling. Then the man steps back in, goes over to the bartender and asks, "Now where's that lady with more...

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

Tom P., the Olympic Gold Medal runner, was on his way to a club with some friends.

At the door, the bouncer turned to him and said "Sorry, mate, you can't come in here - no denim."

Tom was quite annoyed at this and retorted, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Tom P."

"Then it won't take you long to run home and change, will it?" replied the bouncer.

A guy goes to a nightclub and when the bouncer won't let him in the guy asks, "'Why not?" "Because you're not wearing a tie," says the bouncer. "But I have come all the way from the other end of town," says the guy. "Sorry mate, that's the rules," says the bouncer. So the guy goes back to his car to try and see if he can find a tie or something like one. He finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around himself, and goes back to the club. "Is this all right?" he asks the bouncer. "Well, all right then," replies the bouncer. "But I'll be watching you - don't start anything!"

Two buddies were out one Saturday, walking their dogs. One had a Doberman Pinscher and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?"
The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer let him in.
His buddy with the Chihuahua put on his pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, more...