Boys Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once some boys got together to play poker one night, after about 4 hours of playing, Tim had severe chest pains and suddenly slumped over, one of the gamblers who happened to be a doctor, examined him, and to everybodies shock, poor Tim had died of a heart attack. All his friends didn't know how to break the news to his wife, finally Johnny said:' I can be diplomatic about it and break the news gently!'. Johnny rang the bell at Tim's house, and when his wife answered the door, he calmly said to her:' Tim just gambled with us and lost 1, 000 dollars!' When Tim's wife heard this she said:' Tell him to just drop dead!' Johnny answered:' That's exactly what he did!'.

Mother calls up stairs, "You boys better get down here and eat your breakfast or you'll be late for school!"As they are ambling down, the 5-year-old turns to the 4-year-old, stops and says, "Today we're gonna learn to swear!" The 4-year-old gives a fearful look. The 5-year-old continues, "When we get to the table, I'll say' hell' and you say' ass'!" The 4-year-old agrees with reservation. They seat themselves at the table. Mother greets them. "Good morning boys! What would you like for breakfast?" The 5-year-old leans back and cocks his head... "Hell Mom! I'll have Cheerios!"He is promptly escorted to another room while the 4-year-old seated at the table grimaces upon hearing the wailing cries of big brother getting a serious licking. Mother returns with sniffling 5-year-old. She turns to 4-year-old and says compassionately, "Well now, what would you like for breakfast?" The 4-year-old replies, "I don't know ma... But more...

Mum caught little Johnny jerking his meat off one day.
She told him - "Johnny dearest, good boys save it till they're
18."
Johnny did. And by 18, he had 11 jars full!

Women prefer the simple things in life... like men.
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
What’s the difference between men and pigs?... Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.
Boys will be boys, but men are better at it.
What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain?... A widower.
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
What’s an orgasm, Mom? I don’t know... ask your father.
If you catch a man... throw him back.
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
What is the useless bit of skin on a penis?... A man

Mum caught little Johnny jerking his meat off one day.She told him - "Johnny dearest, good boys save it till they're18."Johnny did. And by 18, he had 11 jars full!

25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study!
24. In high school, no food is permitted in the hall. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder. In college, you were it on both.
22. In college, professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or late slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to reside with your friends.
19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds emailed in high school. The cool kids hadn't heard of it.
17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, providing the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your more...

Rose, a mother of two boys, Jim and Ralph, heard yelling from upstairs. She heard several phrases like "I got you!" and "No, you didn't!" She ran to see what the yelling was about. It ended up that the two boys were playing cops and robbers, and were trying to shoot each other with their fingers.
"Jim! Haven't I taught you not to point! Fake guns are no excuse!"
"...But mum!" Jim replied after a short pause, "I'm giving him the thumbs up, too!"