Boys Jokes / Recent Jokes

Day 1 Dear Emile, Thanks for da bird in the Pear tree. I fixed it las
night with dirty rice an it was delicious. I doan tink the Pear tree
would grow in de swamp, so I swapped it for a Satsuma.
Day 2 Dear Emile, Your letter said you sent 2 turtle dove, but all I got
was 2 scrawny pigeon.
Anyway, I mixed them with andouille and made some gumbo out of dem.
Day 3 Dear Emile, Why doan you sen me some crawfish? I’m tired of
eating dem darned bird. I gave two of those prissy French chicken to
Mrs. Fontenot over at Grand Chenier, and fed the tird one to my dog,
Phideaux. Mrs. Fontenot needed some sparring partners for her fighting
rooster.
Day 4 Dear Emile, Mon Dieux! I tole you no more of dem bird. Deez
four, what you call “calling bird” wuz so noisy you could hear dem all
da’ way to Lafayette. I used they necks for my crab traps, and fed the
rest of dem to the gators.
Day 5 Dear Emile, You finally sent more...

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one-holding onto their "weewees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th."
"No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the 4th but more...

Girls, allegedly so timorous and lacking in confidence, now outnumber boys in student government, in honor societies, on school newspapers, and even in debating clubs.
- Christina Hoff Sommers, The War Against Boys
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"Women should be obscene and not heard."
- Groucho Marx
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A woman phoned the dry cleaners saying that the designer label was missing from her dress's neckband. Assuring her that they would look for it, the owner spent the whole afternoon searching the shop. Finally, he found the label in a trash bin. He cleaned and pressed it, and dropped it off at the customer's home. "Oh, thank you," she gushed. "I'm having a garage sale tomorrow and I can always charge a few dollars more for a dress with a label on it."
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"Anheuser-Busch announced they are coming out with low-carb beer called "Ultra" which is aimed at the diet-conscious beer drinker. Diet-conscious beer drinker... aren't those more...

"American Beauty and the Beast"
The Beast has a midlife crisis and takes a job at a fast-food restaurant, while the Beauty has an affair with a real-estate tycoon.

"The Straight Love Story"
Ryan O'Neal tragically runs over Ali McGraw while mowing his lawn.

"That Girl, Interrupted"
Marlo Thomas goes to the nuthouse.

"The Talented Mr. Whipple"
An elderly toilet-paper spokes- man goes on a killing spree in Europe, murdering anyone who squeezes the Charmin.

"Soylent Green Mile"
Charlton Heston finds out what prison food is really made of.

"All About My Mummy"
Pedro Almodovar's bittersweet saga about a 3,000-year-old mummy and his struggle to find love in the modern world.

"The Animal House Rules"
A group of frat boys, led by John Belushi, drink too much hard cider and open an abortion clinic, with predictably wacky more...

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

' 'I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR...''

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said,' 'Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf.'' To which the little brother replied,' 'No, but Gramma is!''

Blood Circulation
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
Little Johnny shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours? ” asked the first boy. “Tommy, ” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living? ” asked Billy.
Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer. ” “Honest? ” asked Billy. “No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.