Branch Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Sir,
While working with Mr. Murphy, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without idling or
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He will always be
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chit-chatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be
classed as outstanding, and should on no account be
dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Murphy should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to administration be
sent as soon as possible.
Sd/-
Branch Manager
PS: MURPHY WAS PRESENT WHEN I WAS WRITING THE REPORT MAILED TO YOU
TODAY. KINDLY READ ONLY THE ALTERNATE LINES 1, 3, 5... FOR MY TRUE
ASSESSMENT OF more...

Lesson Number One A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson Number Two A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was more...

A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, "I want to open a fucking checking account". "Please sir", she replies, "we can't have language like that in here." "Why the Fuck not?" he asked. "Sir," Came her retort, "I must ask you to refrain from swearing." "I don't give a shit what you want," he answers, "I just want to open a fucking checking account." With this the teller leaves and returns in a moment with her branch manager. The manager asks if he might be able to help the gentleman. "Shit yes", came the reply, "I just won 14 million dollars in the lottery and want to open a fucking checking account." The branch manager says, "I see, and this stupid, fucking, bitch is giving you a hard time?"

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall. He looked down and to his horror saw that the canyon fell straight down for more than a thousand feet.
He couldn't hang onto the branch forever, and there was no way for him to climb up the steep wall of the cliff. So Jack began yelling for help, hoping that someone passing by would hear him and lower a rope or something.
"HELP! HELP! Is anyone up there? "HELP!"
He yelled for a long time, but no one heard him. He was about to give up when he heard a voice. "Jack, Jack, can you hear me?"
"Yes, yes! I can hear you. I'm down here!"
"I can see you, Jack. Are you all right?"
"Yes, but who are you, and where are you?"
"I am the Lord, Jack. I'm everywhere."
"The Lord? You mean, GOD?"
"That's more...

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do? "I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way." "No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time a t all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the more...

Srdr Gets Ready, Wears Tie, Coat, Goes Out, Climbs
Tree, Sits On The
Branch Regularly. A Man Asks Why He Does This.
Srdr:"I've Been Promoted As Branch Manager."

1.dumb guy: I have'nt slept all nite on the train.
Friend: Why?
Dumb guy: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why did'nt you exchange?
Dumb guy: oye, there was nobody to exchange with in the lower berth.
2. A Teacher lecturing on population -
In India, every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A dumb guy stands up - We must find & stop her!
3. Dumb guy - Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Dumb guy - If only the winner will get the cup, why are the
others running?
4. Teacher: "I killed a person." Convert this sentence into future tense.
Dumn guy: The future tense is, "You will go to jail."
5. Dumb guy gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out,
climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Dumb guy: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
6. Dumb guy was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be more...