Breach Jokes

I wrote these for our campus humor paper before Christmas break. Some are
UCSD specific, like our new rule banning "fighting words." Some were written
before Romania revolted. And some might be offensive. Bearing that in
mind...
The first arrest under the new "fighting words" policy was made. A
reggae group performing in the Price Center was arrested after singing a song
calling for the end to apartheid in South Africa and whipping up student
fervor. A spokesperson for the police said that the Regents could not tolerate
anyone claiming the world wasn't as kind and gentle as President Bush had
officially declared it was.
The federal government completed the phasing out of lobbying in Congress,
calling it a serious breach of democracy and not in the best interests of the
nation. It will be replaced by a series of public auctions where both
senators' and representatives' votes will be sold to the highest more...

How to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped...
- You've got Windows on your laptop.
- Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
- Your dork is ajar.
- Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
- I can see your Gap dancers.
- Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
- Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
- Elvis Junior has left the building!
- Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
- Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
- Captain, sensors detect a wormhole in the forward quadrant!
- Lil' Shaq's at the free show line.
- You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
- Your closet door is open and Donato's peeking out.
- You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
- I see you have an opening in senior management.
- Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

20. The cucumber has left the salad. 19. I can see the gun of Navarone. 18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out. 17. You've got Windows on your laptop. 16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave. 15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now. 14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells. 13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson... 11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal. 10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building! 9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod. 8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir! 7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage. 6. Dr. Kimble has escaped! 5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary." 4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction... 3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it? 1. I thought you were crazy, now I more...

20. The cucumber has left the salad.
19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
17. You've got Windows on your laptop.
16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. I'm more...

20. The cucumber has left the salad.19. I can see the gun of Navarone.18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.17. You've got Windows on your laptop.16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building! 9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir! 7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.6. Dr. Kimble has escaped! 5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it? 1. I thought you were crazy, now I can clearly see more...