Fighting Jokes

Down around the Texas-Louisiana border, there has been a recent rash of illegal cock fighting, with quite a bit of gambling. The director of the Louisiana State Police finally bent to public pressure and sent an investigator to get to the bottom of the problem.
The crack investigator, Boudreaux, took an unmarked cruiser and headed for Mamou. He was gone for two days and arrived back in Baton Rouge to report to the director.
He reported that there were three major groups involved in the illegal cock fighting - Texas Aggies, Cajuns and the Mafia.
Of course, the boss wanted to know how he surmised this, and he replied that he knew there were Texas Aggies involved when he saw someone enter a duck into the fight.
He knew that there were Cajuns involved when someone bet on the duck.
He then stated that he was absolutely positive that the Mafia was involved when the duck won!

I once got beat up while fighting for a girl's honor...She wanted to keep it.

Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution: Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War: Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label more...

Everything I Need to Know, I Learned in Corporate America.
1. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
2. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
3. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
4. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
5. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
6. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
7. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
8. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
9. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
10. Every time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

"Terrorist training camps looked a lot nicer in the brochure"
"I didn't join the Taliban, I was interning for the Taliban"
"I lost a Super Bowl bet"
"Dazzled by the Taliban commercials that aired during one of Kathie Lee's Ramadan specials"
"What kid doesn't grow up dreaming of being the next Mullah Omar?"
"Al Qaeda? Oh man, I thought I was fighting for Ralph Nader"
"Since when is fighting against your country with an evil terrorist regime considered treason?"
"Got tired of wearing clean clothes and not getting shot at"
"Like you've never joined an international terrorist ring!"
"Oh, I thought this was a paintball game"
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