Volunteer Jokes

At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?"
He calls up the lawyer.
"Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"
The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"
The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm..."
"Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"
The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry..."
"Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse more...

12: 00 High noon, and tensions are high as well. Management is hiding inside the depot, so to set an example for the world and save face we will have to beat one of our own union members into a bloody pulp with a baseball bat. Volunteers are requested.

12: 01 No one volunteers. Morale seems low. This could be a long strike.

12: 02 We randomly select one union member to "volunteer." In what is surely a meaningless coincidence, this turns out to be the smallest, stupidest and most fragile worker there.

12: 03 The plan is stymied when our "volunteer" runs away with our only baseball bat. Recreational events for the weekend will have to be cancelled....

13: 00 After only one hour, I am already bored and frozen, stiff being the appropriate adjective in each case.

14: 12 Newspapers (the Province), books (Plato`s Republic) and radios (CKNW talkshows) are abandoned when one of our union brothers reveals his former more...

The Volunteer Fire Chief in a small town had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and family started toward their cars. However, they stopped because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard from the grave. As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, "Don't worry... it's just the dispatcher toning him out."

As one who is an unabashed admirer of cats, telling this story
is somewhat painful. This is a true story which happened during the late
1970's. My wife has firsthand knowledge of the circumstances since, at the
time, she was a police officer in whose jurisdiction the incident occurred.
There is a small rural town, somewhat northeast to the city of
Niagara Falls, NY. One evening, a resident of the town called the local
volunteer fire department to request assistance in removing their cat
from a tree. Since this was a "questionable" call, the fire control
dispatcher called the fire chief at home to ask if he wanted to respond.
The chief said sure, call out the department, since it was early evening
and it shouldn't be a problem for the volunteers to respond.
The fire department responded with a rescue truck which had an
extension ladder. The tree, however, was too tall and willowy to support
the weight of the extension more...

A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from a nearby town was called to put out the fire. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt they could be of any assistance, the call was made.
Five minutes later, the volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon, they had
snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two, easily controllable parts.
The farmer was impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared. The next day he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000.
A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what more...