Contribution Jokes

At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?"
He calls up the lawyer.
"Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"
The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"
The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm..."
"Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"
The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry..."
"Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse more...

Dear Friends:
Now that the holiday season has passed, please look into your heart to help those in need.
Enron executives in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level... right here in the land of plenty. And, as if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of it as a result of the bankruptcy and current SEC investigation.
BUT NOW YOU CAN HELP!
For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an Enron executive remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem, as it barely covers their per diem,... but it's a start!
Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an Enron exec it could mean the difference between a vacation spent kissing political asses in DC, golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than rent, a car note or mortgage more...

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.
“Great idea! ” the chicken cried.
“Let’s offer them ham and eggs? ”
“Not so fast, ” said the pig testily. “For you, that’s a contribution. For me, it’s a total commitment. ”

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution."Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let`s offer them ham and eggs?""Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that`s a contribution. For me, it`s a total commitment."

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution. "Great idea!" the chicken cried. "Let's offer them ham and eggs?" "Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."