Breakfast Jokes / Recent Jokes
The efficiency expert concluded his factory lecture with a warning: "Don't try these task-organizing tips at home."
"Why not?" asked a worker.
"I did a study of my wife's routine fixing breakfast," explained the lecturer.
"She made a lot of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table, and cupboards, often carrying only one item. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?"
"Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
The Perfect Breakfast:
You're sitting at the table and:
your son is on the cover of the box of Wheaties....
your mistress is on the cover of Playboy...
and your wife is on the back of the milk carton...
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained.
"She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?"
The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. ''You don't want to try these techniques at home.''''Why not?'' asked someone from the back of the audience. ''I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,'' the expert explained. ''She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?''' The voice from the back asked, ''Did it save time?'' The expert replied, ''Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.'''
MONDAY:
BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth
LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.
AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maalox
DINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don`t eat the coleslaw.
TUESDAY:
BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslaw
LUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.
DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho`s.
Signs you've grown up!
1. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
2. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
3. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
4. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p. m.
5. Dinner and a movie - it's the whole date instead of just the beginning of one.
6. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
7. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
8. A $4. 00 bottle of wine is no longer' pretty good stuff'.
9. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
10. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi, Ho-Ho's.
11. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
12. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
13. You more...
Mother calls up stairs, "You boys better get down here and eat your breakfast or you'll be late for school!"As they are ambling down, the 5-year-old turns to the 4-year-old, stops and says, "Today we're gonna learn to swear!" The 4-year-old gives a fearful look. The 5-year-old continues, "When we get to the table, I'll say' hell' and you say' ass'!" The 4-year-old agrees with reservation. They seat themselves at the table. Mother greets them. "Good morning boys! What would you like for breakfast?" The 5-year-old leans back and cocks his head... "Hell Mom! I'll have Cheerios!"He is promptly escorted to another room while the 4-year-old seated at the table grimaces upon hearing the wailing cries of big brother getting a serious licking. Mother returns with sniffling 5-year-old. She turns to 4-year-old and says compassionately, "Well now, what would you like for breakfast?" The 4-year-old replies, "I don't know ma... But more...