Breakfast Jokes / Recent Jokes
I think if I have a good breakfast I could go without food for the rest ofthe day. I think that until about lunchtime.
THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 vodka
35 scotch
48 double scotch
66 Mylanta
AGE SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My wife is dead.
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 channel surfing
66 napping
AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "tongue"
25 "breakfast"
35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 "Got home alive."
AGE FAVOURITE FANTASY
17 a winning goal after the siren
25 sex in an aeroplane
35 menage a trois
48 taking over the company
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
AGE IDEAL DATE
17 more...
Two couples had gone away for the weekend. The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the night. After several drinks that night they succeed.
Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile.
The guys agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoons on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives.
The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hung over and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug.
After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter!
Bachelor's DietMONDAY:BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maaloxDINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.
TUESDAY: BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslawLUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.
WEDNESDAY:BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho's LUNCH - Rolaids and a cokeDINNER - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps
THURSDAY:BREAKFAST - Order out for more...
Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me.
She didn't even say "Good Morning," alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember."
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we more...
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "Don''t try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife''s routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the fridge, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, "You''re wasting too much time. Why don''t you try carrying several things at once?"
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in ten."
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone in the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove and table, often carrying just a single item. So I suggested,' Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" Another person asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, it did. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready...and now I do it in
about ten."