Breast Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman with a baby visited the doctor's office. She was escorted to an examination room and told to wait for the doctor. The doctor arrived, examined the baby and asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or bottle fed?"
"Breast fed," she replied.
"Please, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. The doctor pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination then told her to get dressed.
He said, "No wonder this baby is always hungry. You're not producing any milk."
"I know," she said. "I'm his aunt... But I'm glad I came."
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
"Breast fed," the woman replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk.
Leonard desperately wanted to become a doctor and had really crammed for
his medical boards exams, so he wasn't in the least fazed by the question:
"Name the three advantages of breast milk."
Quickly he wrote:
1. It contains the optimum balance of nutrients for the newborn child.
2. As it is contained within the mother's body, it is protected from
germs and helps develop the child's immune system.
Then Leonard was stumped. Sitting back and racking his brain until he'd
broken into a sweat, he finally scribbled:
3. It comes in such nice containers.
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from her.
The doctor suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.
The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead.
The doctor asks what happen to which the man replies: "She choked."
A young intern is making his rounds late one night at the hospital. He enters into the room of an invalid woman who has been in a coma for over two years. No one comes to visit this poor woman anymore, but the intern is not as concerned with this as he is with finishing his rounds, the most mundane of his duties.
As the young doctor is straightening up the bed his hand accidentally rubs against the old woman's breast. Just then an extra "blip" comes from the monitors attached to the woman. The doctor's curiosity is peaked and he makes sure this is not a coincidence by touching the woman's breast again and sure enough there is another "blip". He decides to experiment further and places his hand in a more private place.
"Blip! blip, blip blip, blip blip" comes the sound from the monitor. The doctor is astounded. He calls the woman's husband who hasn't been in to see the woman in months. He very carefully explains to the man how he accidentally more...
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh.The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from her.The doctor suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead.The doctor asks what happen to which the man replies: "She choked."
For women - Helpful info.
For men - For the woman in your life.
PREPARING FOR YOUR MAMMOGRAM:
Many woman are afraid of their mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home.
Exercise No. 1:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Place one bookend on each side of your breast. Press the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet again next year and do it again. Repeat all steps on the other breast.
Exercise No. 2:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends (or a stranger) slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that more...