Breast Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they findthat they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off thelights because they cant see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why dont we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you dont want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you dont want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis...... fifty times"

Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs? A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all. Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant? A. Have sex once a year. Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive? A. Then the jig is up. Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this? A. Your therapist. Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A. If it's the flu, you'll get better. Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this more...

A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your d*ck is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
221."

Three icehockey fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot
sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.
They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and
propriety, the Jokerit fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast.
The TPS fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their
lead, the HIFK fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.
The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his
inspection. First, he lifted up the Jokerit cap, replaced it, and wrote down
some notes. Next, he lifted the TPS cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more
notes. The officer then lifted the HIFK cap, replaced it, then lifted it again,
replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.
The HIFK fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or
something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and more...

A Sardarni competed with a French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The French woman came in first, the English woman second. The Sardarni finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times"

A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his
elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled The man
turns to her and says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I
know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in
room 221."