Breast Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Sir,
I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years and having seven children, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are totally useless. After getting married, I was told to use the "Rhythm Method" but, despite trying the Tango and the Samba my wife fell pregnant and I ruptured myself doing the Cha Cha Cha, apart from which, where do you get a band at five o'clock in the morning?
A doctor suggested we use the "Safe Period". At the time we were living with the in laws and we had to wait three weeks for a safe period when the house was empty needless to say this didn't work. A lady of several years' experience informed us that if we made love whilst breast feeding we would be alright. It's hardly Newcastle Brown Ale, b ut I did finish up with a clear skin, silky hair and the wife pregnant. Another old wives' tale was that if my wife jumped up and down after intercourse more...

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!
Exercise 1: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
Exercise 2: Visit your garage at 3am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
Exercise 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the more...

Mildred was very depressed when her husband died. She decided that she couldn’t go on in life without him and that she wanted to join him in heaven. Mildred wanted to shoot herself in the heart, guaranteeing death.
But she was afraid she might miss her heart and wind up a vegetable so she called the doctor for some information. “Doctor, where is the heart located? ” asked Mildred.
The doctor answered, “Just below the left breast. ”
A few hours later Mildred was emitted into emergancy with a gunshot wound to her knee!

*** Pre-Mammogram Exercises! ***

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day with the following exercises a week before the exam, you will be totally prepared for the test -- and best of all -- you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.

EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible -- and then lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO: Go into your garage at 3 a. m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just right. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and more...

*** Pre-Mammogram Exercises! ***
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day with the following exercises a week before the exam, you will be totally prepared for the test - and best of all - you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible - and then lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO: Go into your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just right. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other more...

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test. And, best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.

EXERCISE #1

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE #2

Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the more...

*** Pre-Mammogram Exercises! ***Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day with the following exercises a week before the exam, you will be totally prepared for the test - and best of all - you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible - and then lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.EXERCISE TWO: Go into your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just right. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.EXERCISE THREE: more...