Brian Jokes / Recent Jokes
Brian was dating Lorraine and they were very close. While they were dating he met another woman named Clearly and wanted to start dating her but felt that he should be faithful to Lorraine. So he continued to date Lorraine. One day Brian took Lorraine on a walk in the woods by the river. As they were walking near the river Lorraine fell in and was washed away. Brian softly sang, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone..."
Two Irishmen, Murphy and O'Brian grew up in the same village together. They were friends all their lives, married a pair of sisters, and lived just down the street from one another. But now, Murphy had cancer, and was lying on his deathbed, surrounded by his friends.
He calls,' 'O'Brian, come' ere O'Brian. I' ave a request for ye.'' O'Brian walks to his friends bedside and kneels down.
''O'Brian, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm dying' ere. I' ave one last request fir ye to do.''
O'Brian bursts into tears,' 'Anything Murphy, anything ye wish. It's done.''
''Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity.''
O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and true Irish spirit of his more...
REAL LIFE STORY NUMBER 2
On the morning show at WBBM FM in Chicago, IL they play a game for prizes, usually vacations and such, called "Mate Match." The DJ's ring someone at work and ask if they are married or in a serious relationship. If yes, then this person is asked 3 very personal questions that vary from couple to couple and asked for their significant others name and work phone number. If the significant other answers correctly then they are winners. This particular day (12-9-98) it got interesting:
DJ: Hey! This is Eddie on WBBM. Do you know "Mate Match"?
Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.
DJ: What's your name? First only please.
Contestant: Brian
DJ: Are you married or what Brian?
Brian: Yes.
DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean you're married or what? Brian?
Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes, I'm married.
DJ: Thank you Brian. OK, now, what's your more...
Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?" "Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?" "If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family." Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off. When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.
This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week. One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:
Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?
Brian: Yeah, sure.
Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning.
Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?
Brian: Hmmmmm... about 10 minutes.
Presenter:10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
Brian: Ohhhh, I can't say that.
Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!
Brian: O.K.... O.K.... On the kitchen table.
Presenter:(and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?
Brian: Yeah, alright.
Presenter: Hi Sharelle, more...
John pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Brian where he'd first had sex." It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours,""That sounds wonderful," said Brian." Yes. It was ok until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us." "Oh my God!!! What did her mother say when she saw youmaking love to her daughter?" "Baaaaaaa."
Brian: What kind of dog is that? Terry: A police dog. Brian: Are you sure, it doesn`t look much like a police dog. Terry: That`s because it`s a plain-clothes police dog.