Brian Jokes / Recent Jokes

With the World Cup 2007 coming up shortly, you will find more cricket related features on my site.
Yorkshire 232 all out, Hutton ill - I'm sorry, Hutton 111. - John Snagge, BBC News
He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time. - Richie Benaud, Channel 9
In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one. - Tony Greig, Channel 9
It was close for Zaheer, Lawson threw his hands in the air and Marsh threw his head in the air.- Jack Potter, 3UZ
Chappell just stood on his feet and smashed it to the boundary. - Jim Maxwell, ABC Radio
I think we are all slightly down in the dumps after another loss. We may be in the wrong sign... Venus may be in the wrong juxtaposition with somewhere else. - Ted Dexter, explaining away England's seventh successive Test loss, to Australia at Lord's, 1993
Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as a captain turns cricket match into gang warfare. - Mike Brearley, more...

Ralph and Brian decide to go ice fishing.

"This looks like a good spot Brian!" Said Ralph. So they stopped, and put there stuff up.

"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE." Said a voice from up above...he looked up in amazement.

"Well Brian I guess I was wrong. Lets check over there." He silently thanked the man for telling them...he would have wasted all the time!!! But once he reached the next spot the voice said again

"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE."

"Well... lets try over here." They gathered their things and went over to another place.

"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE." Said the voice again. Ralph looked up but saw only what he expected.

"Hmm....ok thanks!" He screamed, and moved on. But again....the voice said

"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE." Ralph wondered for a second. Then he said

"Are you God?" He more...

A hot air balloon set out to cross the Atlantic Ocean, navigated by Tom and Brian.

After 41 hours in the air, Tom was feeling a bit lost. "Brian, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are," he said. Brian let out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon dropped to under the cloud cover, where they saw a man on the ground.

"I still can't tell where we are. Let's ask that guy on the ground," said Tom, so Brian yelled down to the man "Hey, can you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yelled back, "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air." Tom turned to Brian.

"That man must be a lawyer," Tom said. "How can you tell?" asked Brian, to which Tom replied, "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and yet totally useless."

Brian had asked Dave to help him out with cutting his rather large garden hedge after work, so Dave went straight over to Brian's home. When they got to the front door, Brian went straight up to his wife, gave her a big hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her excellent cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were cutting the privet, Dave told Brian that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Brian said that he' d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Dave thought he' d give it a go.
When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Dave was confused and asked why she was crying. She said,' This is the worst day of my life. First, little Nigel fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine more...

Brian and Brad are co-workers. Brian comes to work on Monday with a black eye.
Brad: What happened man?
Brian: You won't believe that this happened in church last Sunday.
Brad: How come that happened in church?
Brian: I sat in the church right behind this beautiful lady with a slinky pinky dress. When she stood up one time, her dress got stuck in her butt and it was pretty unpleasant. So, as a gentleman's gesture, I pulled it out the slowest I could hoping she wouldn't feel it. She turned around and hit me the hardest she could.
Brad: Man, that's the stupidest thing to do. You are an idiot.
Brian: I know man.
Next Monday, Brian comes again with a red eye.
Brad: What happened this time?
Brian: You wouldn't believe that this happened again in church.
Brad: Ok.. Go ahead.
Brian: I sat at my usual place, but the same woman came and sat in front of me with a similar dress. When she stood up, the same thing happened again to her dress. more...

Brian had asked Dave to help him out with cutting his rather large garden hedge after work, so Dave went straight over to Brian`s home. When they got to the front door, Brian went straight up to his wife, gave her a big hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her excellent cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were cutting the privet, Dave told Brian that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Brian said that he` d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn`t be better. Dave thought he` d give it a go.
When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Dave was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, `This is the worst day of my life. First, little Nigel fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine more...

The Backstreet Boys response to "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Brian: I think the chicken HAD to cross the road. Why? Ah, that's the REAL secret. *Jim Carrey voice* Well alrighty then....

AJ: The chicken is the wave of the future. *sniff* Where's he going today? I hate chickens, they freak me out.*sniff*

Howie:' Cause he's back! *wink*, and stuff like that, and crossed the street! and stuff like that! *wink* And he's a chicken! and stuff like that.

Kevin: (slowly) I don't know, but he's on te-le-vi-sion. Cool, he's got his own show. He's my cousin, you know.

Nick: Um, basically the chicken, you see, when the uh the chicken? Yeah, the chicken. When he crosses the road, he, really, he has his own flavor. Pretty much he resigns across the road. Resigns? Oh, I'm sorry! I mean resides. The chicken is just as f**king crazy as me and Brian.