Bride Jokes / Recent Jokes

After a great success of Aishwarya Rai's movie Bride & Prejudice all over the world, Indian government wanted a special postage stamp with her picture on it to recognize her. Government stress that it should be world class. The stamps were released, and Indian Government & Aishwarya Rai both were pleased.

But within a couple of days, began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. Indian Government ordered CBI to investigate the matter.

CBI checked out at several post offices, and then reported to the Government Officials that: "The stamp is really world class. The problem is, all the peoples are licking on the wrong side of the stamp."

The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
The high divorce rates in America indicate that the U.S. is still the Land of the Free, but your marriage demonstrates that we also remain the Home of the Brave!
The man says: With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow. (Book of Common Prayer)
The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
If you are the best man at a wedding there is always my favorite toast:
The screwing you'll get is going to be worth the screwing you'll get.
I didn't have the guts to use it at the wedding but it got a lot of laughs at the bachelor party.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. more...

A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that J. C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens. The bride said, “No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom. ”

Preparing for her wedding night, the bride-to-be asked her mother to go out and buy her a sexy, long, black negligee and place it carefully in her suitcase so it wouldn't get wrinkled. Her mother forgot, so at the last minute dashed out, but all she could find was a short pink nighty. She bought it, rushed home and quickly threw it in her daughter's suitcase.
After the wedding, the newlyweds went to their hotel room. The groom was very self-conscious so he asked his bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got himself ready for bed.
Agreeing, the bride went into the bathroom, opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in it. "Oh no," she shrieked, "it's short, pink and wrinkled!"
"Honey, you promised not to peek!" the groom exclaimed.

Farmer and his young bride lived out in the country and the preacher would stop by and of course they would invite him in for chicken dinner.

As this went on and the preacher became so regular he was there practically everyday.

The farmer had to go out in the fields to work, and the preacher would stay with the young bride. Each time he came over the young wife would have the farmer kill a chicken for dinner.

Finally, after a hard day's work the farmer was driving the tractor into the barn when the young bride stepped out onto the porch and hollered at him to get her a chicken so she could cook for the preacher.

The farmer hollered back, "Screw the preacher!"

To which the young bride replied "I already did, but I still need the chicken."

1. Why did God create woman?
-To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
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2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
-The swallow.
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3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
-Call her.
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4. Why do women fake orgasms?
-Because they think men care.
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5. What is the definition of "making love"
-Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
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6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
-Slow down and use a lubricant.
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7. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
- Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your [w]HOLE weak.
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8. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
-None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
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9. What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B. S. E?
-One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural more...

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.The judge says, 'OK.''Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after more...