Bride Jokes / Recent Jokes
The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted raised eyebrow attention as they checked into the resort hotel.
Next morning at eight sharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay tune, sat down at a table and ordered ham and eggs.
The smile on his face and the twinkle in his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident. Fifteen minutes later the young bride slowly trudged into the dining room and seated herself across from her 70-year old. Her face was drawn and her voice weak as she ordered toast and coffee.
The groom, now finished, excused himself and strolled into the lobby for his morning cigar.
As the waitress approached with the bride's toast and coffee, she said, "Honey, I don't understand it.
Here you a young bride with an old husband, looking like you've encountered a buzz saw."
"That guy," said the bride, "double crossed me. He told me he saved up for 60 years and I thought he was talking more...
The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted raised eyebrowattention as they checked into the resort hotel. Next morning at eightsharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay tune, sat downat a table and ordered ham and eggs. The smile on his face and the twinklein his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident. Fifteen minutes later the young bride slowly trudged into the dining roomand seated herself across from her 70-year old. Her face was drawn and hervoice weak as she ordered toast and coffee. The groom, now finished, excused himself and strolled into the lobby forhis morning cigar. As the waitress approached with the bride's toast and coffee, she said,"Honey, I don't understand it. Here you are a young bride with an oldhusband, looking like you've encountered a buzz saw." "That guy," said the bride, "double crossed me. He told me he saved up for60 years and I thought he was talking about money!"
During the wedding reception in the family mansion, the bride's Grandfather slipped her ten $100 bills, which she concealed in her glove, since he told her to keep it for "mad money".
By tradition, the newlywed couple spent their first night together in the family's historic house.
Later that night, the bride's Grandmother saw her sneaking down the stairs and asked where she was going.
"I left my gloves in the library, Grand-MaMa, and it's important that I have them."
"Oh you youngsters!" the Grandmother sighed. "You march yourself right back upstairs and grab hold of that damn thing with your bare hands, just as I did your Grandfather's!"
On their honeymoon night, the bride turns to her husband and says, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and don't know anything about sex, so I'm a little nervous. Would you explain it to me first?"
"Sure, Sweetheart," the husband replies. "Putting it simply, we'll call your private place 'the prison', and we'll call my private thing 'the prisoner'. What we do is this... we put the prisoner in the prison."
They then make love for the first time. Afterwards, the husband sprawls out on the bed, face up, with a look of satisfaction on his face.
A few minutes later, the bride nudges him and giggles, "Honey, the prisoner seems to have escaped."
He turns on his side and with a big grin, says, "Well, we'll just have to re-imprison him."
After making love the second time, the husband rolls over and reaches for a cigarette. The wife, however, is thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love. Giving him a seductive smile, more...
While on their honeymoon, the young groom was all excited about consumating the marriage, saying to his new wife how he just couldn't wait to take care of her!
After minutes of rubbing, squeezing, kissing and licking, the young groom stopped.
"What's the matter, hon?" asked the bride.
"I don't know why I married you," replied the groom. "You don't have any breasts or hair on your pussy!"
"LOOK, GET OFF MY BACK!" the bride retorted.
If Men Were in Charge of Weddings
There would be a "Rehearsal Kegger" rather than a "Rehearsal Dinner."
Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops.
They would have NO tan lines.
The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
Idiots who tried to dance with the bride would get punched in the head.
Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man."
There would be "Tailgate Receptions."
Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.
Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. Those strippers and liquor sure do add up.
Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.
Favors would be more...
On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, "I can't wear your pants." "That's right," intoned the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in the family." The bride took off her panties and asked her husband to try it on. "No way. I can't get into your panties." he said. "That's right. And that's the way it'll be until you change your attitude." she said and smiled.