Buck Jokes / Recent Jokes

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top
this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb,
call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter more...

Hi y'all... muh name id's Bubba and dis is muh fameily:

Furst is me... Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. I love being a babe hound. Girls make spit roll down my chin. I have a stomach problem and fart alot.

My Mom has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.

My brother Hank is in jail right now. When he gets out he is not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.

My grandmom lives with us in our trailer. Shes smells real bad. She likes to hang out in bars and drink beer. Grandma has sores all over and they leak yellow stuff on the furniture. The flies are terrible.

My mom says she is almost positive this is who my Dad is. He lives in a Federal Penitentiary in Montana. When he gets out in 55 years we are gonna go fishing. The blood stains inside my Dads truck are almost all gone!

My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was more...

[This is supposed to be an actual court transcript. -- remember, you found it on the Internet!]]

To: All Staff Attorneys Subject: Depositions and Their Use

A friend sent me the following portion of a transcript, which was confirmed with one of the counsel involved (Ms. Olschner) and subsequently posted on Lexis Counsel Connect. The transcript is from Birmingham, Alabama, although the use of a deposition of a party opponent' for any purpose' is also in the federal rules. We have no word on what had happened immediately prior to this exchange:

The Court: Next witness.

Ms. Olschner: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the head with his client's deposition.

The Court: You mean read it?

Ms. Olschner: No, sir. I mean to swat him [in] the head with it. Pursuant to Rule 32, I may use the deposition' for any purpose' and that is the purpose for which I want to use it.

The Court: Well, it does say more...

My wife received a copy of the following at her law firm. It purports to be
true. For those of you who don't know, a "deposition" is a transcript of
pre-trial testimony. These transcripts tend to be thick documents.
To: all attorneys
Subject: Depositions and Their Use
A friend sent me the following portion of a transcript, which was confirmed
with one of the counsel involved (Ms. Olschner) and subsequently posted on
Lexis Counsel Connect. The transcript is from Birmingham, Alabama, although
the use of a deposition of a party opponent "for any purpose" is also in the
federal rules. We have no word on what had happened immediately prior to this
exchange:
The Court: Next witness.
Ms. Olschner: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the
head with his client's deposition.
The Court: You mean read it?
Ms. Olschner: No, sir. I mean to swat him [in] the head with it. Pursuant to
Rule 32, I more...

"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.

Q) How did the moose keep his antlers from being stolen?
A) He locked horns with another moose.
Q) Why wouldn't the leopard take a bath?
A) He didn't want to get spotlessly clean.
Q) What do skunks do when they get angry?
A) They raise a stink.
Q) What do you call a well-dressed lion?
A) A dandy lion (dandelion).
Q) What do you call a vaccination given to a boy deer?
A) Buck shot.
Q) Why didn't the elephant get rich?
A) He was willing to work for peanuts.
Q) How did the kangaroo convict escape?
A) He jumped bail.
Q) What did the judge say when a skunk walked in?
A) Odor (order) in the court.
Q) What did the mole publisher print?
A) An underground newspaper.
Q) Why was the little elephant six hours late for dinner?
A) He had to wash behind his ears before coming to the table.

Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."
So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."
So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."
So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"