Deposition Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Q: What were Clinton's first words to Paula Jones at the deposition?
    A: "So now you open your mouth!"

    [This is supposed to be an actual court transcript. -- remember, you found it on the Internet!]]

    To: All Staff Attorneys Subject: Depositions and Their Use

    A friend sent me the following portion of a transcript, which was confirmed with one of the counsel involved (Ms. Olschner) and subsequently posted on Lexis Counsel Connect. The transcript is from Birmingham, Alabama, although the use of a deposition of a party opponent' for any purpose' is also in the federal rules. We have no word on what had happened immediately prior to this exchange:

    The Court: Next witness.

    Ms. Olschner: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the head with his client's deposition.

    The Court: You mean read it?

    Ms. Olschner: No, sir. I mean to swat him [in] the head with it. Pursuant to Rule 32, I may use the deposition' for any purpose' and that is the purpose for which I want to use it.

    The Court: Well, it does say more...

    My wife received a copy of the following at her law firm. It purports to be
    true. For those of you who don't know, a "deposition" is a transcript of
    pre-trial testimony. These transcripts tend to be thick documents.
    To: all attorneys
    Subject: Depositions and Their Use
    A friend sent me the following portion of a transcript, which was confirmed
    with one of the counsel involved (Ms. Olschner) and subsequently posted on
    Lexis Counsel Connect. The transcript is from Birmingham, Alabama, although
    the use of a deposition of a party opponent "for any purpose" is also in the
    federal rules. We have no word on what had happened immediately prior to this
    exchange:
    The Court: Next witness.
    Ms. Olschner: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the
    head with his client's deposition.
    The Court: You mean read it?
    Ms. Olschner: No, sir. I mean to swat him [in] the head with it. Pursuant to
    Rule 32, I more...

    To: All Staff Attorneys Subject: Depositions and Their Use

    A friend sent me the following portion of a transcript, which was confirmed with one of the counsel involved (Ms. Olschner) and subsequently posted on Lexis Counsel Connect. The transcript is from Birmingham, Alabama, although the use of a deposition of a party opponent' for any purpose' is also in the federal rules. We have no word on what had happened immediately prior to this exchange:

    The Court: Next witness.

    Ms. Olschner: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the head with his client's deposition.

    The Court: You mean read it?

    Ms. Olschner: No, sir. I mean to swat him [in] the head with it. Pursuant to Rule 32, I may use the deposition' for any purpose' and that is the purpose for which I want to use it.

    The Court: Well, it does say that.

    (Pause.)

    The Court: There being no objection, you may proceed.

    Ms. more...

    This is supposed to be an actual court transcript. -- remember, you found it on the Internet!

    To: All Staff Attorneys

    Subject: Depositions and Their Use

    A friend sent me the following portion of a transcript, which was confirmed with one of the counsel involved (Ms. Olschner) and subsequently posted on Lexis Counsel Connect. The transcript is from Birmingham, Alabama, although the use of a deposition of a party opponent' for any purpose' is also in the federal rules. We have no word on what had happened immediately prior to this exchange:

    The Court: Next witness.

    Ms. Olschner: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the head with his client's deposition.

    The Court: You mean read it?

    Ms. Olschner: No, sir. I mean to swat him [in] the head with it. Pursuant to Rule 32, I may use the deposition' for any purpose' and that is the purpose for which I want to use it.

    The Court: Well, it more...

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