Bucks Jokes / Recent Jokes

Stanley Livingston, in deepest Africa, finds a cannibal restaurant. The specialty of the day is brains - fried doctor brains for twenty bucks, sautéed architect brains for twenty-five bucks, and roasted attorney brains for two hundred bucks. Livingston, perplexed, asks the waiter why the attorney brains are so costly. The waiter snorts, "Do you know what a job it is to clean those suckers?"

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Boris home?" asked Ned. "No, he went to the store." replied the wife.
"Well, you mind if I wait?" asked Ned. "No, come in." responded the wife.
They sit down and the friend says, "You know Sue, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one." Sue thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Ned says, "They are so beautiful. I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together." Sue thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Ned a nice long look. Ned thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't more...

A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
“Twenty bucks, ” she says.
He’d never been with a woman like this before, but he decides what the heck it’s only twenty bucks.
They’re getting friendly for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them, it’s a police officer.
“What’s going on here, people? ” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my wife, ” the man answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry, ” says the cop, “I didn’t know. ”
“Well, ” said the man, “neither did I until you shined that light in her face. ”

A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house.
The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp.
The husband asks: "Did we break that too?" "Yes", replies the man.
"Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks.
"No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?"
The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer." "Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces.
"Second, I want a million bucks a week for life." "Poof! you get a million bucks a more...

A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house.
The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp.
The husband asks: "Did we break that too?"
"Yes", replies the man.
"Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks.
"No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?"
The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer."
"Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces.
"Second, I want a million bucks a week for life."
"Poof! you get a million more...

A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house.The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp.The husband asks: "Did we break that too?""Yes", replies the man."Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks."No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?"The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer.""Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces."Second, I want a million bucks a week for life.""Poof! you get a million bucks a week", the genie more...

A zoo acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, which was a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What was he to do? There were no males of this species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Joe, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Joe, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn't very bright. So, the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Maybe they could entice Joe to satisfy the female gorilla.
They approached Joe with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the gorilla - for five hundred bucks?
Joe said that he might be interested, but he would have to think the matter over first. The following day, Joe announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss more...