Building Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men were on top of the empire state building. The first man's name was Clark the second man's name was Joey and the thirds name was Jo Momma. Joey was drunk so Clark decided to play a little joke on him. Clark said,"
Yo Joey if u jumped of this building tbe air would bring u rite back up!"
So Joey said,"
Oh come on Clark that's not true!"
So Clark jumped off and came rite back up. "
Wow!"
said Joey here le me try! So Joey jumped off and fell flat... dead. Then, Jo Momma said to Clark o jez supaman u gotts to stop doin dat!

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew - gems in the rough, all of them - more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she more...

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St.Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
During all police investigations it will be more...

Our library has so many books they had to put it in a multi-story building.
I knew a prisoner who crowded his roommates terribly by building a huge aquarium in their room. It was just plain cell-fish of him!
Smoke dynamite... it'll really blow your mind.
Scientists report that dieters lost brain cells as well as body weight.
It's a case of think or slim.
My camera is broken. But, I won't have a negative attitude - I'll take it to the repair shop and see what develops. People think I broke it but the crime isn't so black and white. Ah, I get the picture - I'm being framed!
A vampire walks into a bar, and asks for a "Large glass of A-positive blood." The bartender looks him square in the eyes, and says "I'm sorry, but we don't serve your type here!"
Did you hear about the guy who gave narcotics to seagulls?
He left no tern unstoned.
If you shake up a can of beer, and spill it on your stove, do you get foam on the range?
My cat more...

Here are some of the submissions of actual comments, notices, and statements coming out of different companies: As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning entry; Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation ) What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping) How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS Development team) E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company) This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS) Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go more...

Our library has so many books they had to put it in a multi-story building.I knew a prisoner who crowded his roommates terribly by building a huge aquarium in their room. It was just plain cell-fish of him! Smoke dynamite... it'll really blow your mind.Scientists report that dieters lost brain cells as well as body weight.It's a case of think or slim.My camera is broken. But, I won't have a negative attitude - I'll take it to the repair shop and see what develops. People think I broke it but the crime isn't so black and white. Ah, I get the picture - I'm being framed! A vampire walks into a bar, and asks for a "Large glass of A-positive blood." The bartender looks him square in the eyes, and says "I'm sorry, but we don't serve your type here!"Did you hear about the guy who gave narcotics to seagulls? He left no tern unstoned.If you shake up a can of beer, and spill it on your stove, do you get foam on the range? My cat got stolen. I think it was taken by a purr more...

One Day Three Kids Were Praising About Their Fathers. One Of Them Said "My Dad Fell From A High Building. He Broke His Leg. The Doctor Replaced It With A Baseball Bat. So He Became A Champion In Playing Baseball."The Other One Said That My Dad Fell From A High Building. The Doctor Replaced It With A Cricket Bat. My Dad Became A Champion In Cricket." The Third One Said That My Dad Fell From A High Building. The Doctor Replaced It With The Cow's Stomach. My Dad Became A Champion In Giving Milk."