Building Jokes / Recent Jokes

One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety-net and urged him to escape from the burning building by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who fears nothing, not even fire." The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail. Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same phrase over and over until the firemen got really sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted, "Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.

The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, and Thou Shall Not Lie in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft''''s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter''''s position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter''''s window. The pilot''''s sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew more...

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work onscaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! IfI get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jumpoff this building."The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Burritos again! If I getburritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bolognasandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef andcabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw aburrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bolognaand jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd knownhow really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would havegiven it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, more...

A detective can only solve a case after he's been suspended from duty.
Should you ever decide to defuse a bomb, there's no need to worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
The Eiffel Tower is visible from any window in Paris.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down days before their retirement.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince whenever a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If women are staying in a haunted house, they should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
When they are alone, all foreign people prefer to speak to each other in English.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make certain they are assigned a more...

Noah's Ark... If it happened in 2000And the Lord spoke to Noah and said "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark, "Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints." Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time." Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit more...