Bullet Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County Deputy Davey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center.
The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column.. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded east-bound toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles and just more...

A woman, three months pregnant was walking by a bank when two robbers
emerged from the bank. The security guards and robbers exchanged gunfire
and the young woman was struck in the abdomen. At the hospital the doctors
concerned for the unborn children decided not to do surgery to remove the
bullets. 6
months later the woman gave birth to triplets. Two girls and a boy all
unharmed by
the bullets. Years went by without incident when one day near the childrens 16
birthday one of the girls when to her mother in tears. The mother asked what
the
problem was and she described that while going to the bathroom a bullet came
out of
her. The mother calmed her down and told her the story of the day she was
shot.
Shortly after that the second daughter emerged from the restroom and in
similar
circumstances started the story about the bullet. The mother stopped her and
again explained the story to the second daughter. Suddenly the more...

Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot.

Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarrette.

BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg is waterlogged and rots off.

BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.

C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is impossible.

COBOL: USE HANDGUN. COLT(45), AIM AT LEG. FOOT, THEN WITH ARM. HAND. FINGER ON HANDGUN. COLT(TRIGGER) PREFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN. COLT TO HIP. HOLSTER.

cah: After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.

dBASE: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun more...

Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarrette. BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg is waterlogged and rots off. BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is impossible. COBOL: USE HANDGUN. COLT(45), AIM AT LEG. FOOT, THEN WITH ARM. HAND. FINGER ON HANDGUN. COLT(TRIGGER) PREFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN. COLT TO HIP. HOLSTER. cah: After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C. dBASE: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to shoot bullets. Fortran: You shoot yourself in more...

President
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Executive Vice President
Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if the sea is calm.
Talks to God.
Division Manager
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.
Talks with God if special request is approved.
Plant Manager
Barely clears a Quonset hut.
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God.
Sales Manager
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings.
Is run over by a locomotive.
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury.
Dog more...

This pregnant woman got shot 3 times in the stomach while pregnant with triplets. The bullets went into all 3 of the babies. The doctor told the mother that the bullet will come out of their bodies at age 14.
At age 14, one of the girls comes up to the mom and says I went to the bathroom and pissed out a bullet. The mom explains the story to her daughter. The second daughter comes up to her mom and says mom i just pissed out a bullet. The mom explains the story to her. The son comes up to his mom and the mom says let me guess u pissed out a bullet. The boy says no i was jerking off and I shot the cat!!!

Shooting Accident
As a pregnant woman walked into a bank one day, a man dressed in black came in and shot her three times in the stomach. She was immediately rushed to the hospital.
She survived and had three children... two girls and one boy.
About ten years later, one of the daughters went up to her mother and said..."mom, something really weird happened to me. Yesterday when i was taking a crap I passed a bullet through my ass!"
The mother thought for a moment remembering the shooting that happened and told her daughter not to worry about it.
The next day, the second daughter went up to her mother and said "mom, something really weird happened to me. I was taking a crap the other day and I passed a bullet through my ass...". The mother told her not to worry about it.
The next day, the son went up to his mom and said "hey mom, guess what happened to me?"
The mom interupted - "let me guess, you passed a bullet more...