Bumper Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here are some "actual" bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:
HONK! If you had sex with the President
Clinton: We forgive you...Now Resign!
Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency
Adultery IS NOT a family value
Does character matter YET?
One More Whore And We Get Gore
Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat
My President Fooled Around with Your Honor Student
Jail to the Chief
Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility
If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.
Save the President: Legalize Perjury
Two terms for Clinton: the second in jail
Clinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father

Written by a very wise man... I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and "flipped" the woman off.
"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that's 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. There's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically, half of these are driven by a more...

Funny Bumper Stickers:
* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* All men are idiots, and I married their King.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* Montana - At least our cows are sane!
* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy more...

Here are some "actual" bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:HONK! If you had sex with the PresidentClinton: We forgive you...Now Resign! Al Gore: One heartthrob from the PresidencyAdultery IS NOT a family valueDoes character matter YET? One More Whore And We Get GoreBill Clinton: Commander in HeatMy President Fooled Around with Your Honor StudentJail to the ChiefToday kids no longer play doctor, they play PresidentThe Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not ResponsibilityIf his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.Save the President: Legalize PerjuryTwo terms for Clinton: the second in jailClinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father

Top 10 Bumper Stickers!
1...Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
2...If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
3...My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
4...To All You Virgins, Thanks For Nothing.
5...Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
6...I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
7...Illiterate? Write For Help
8...If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong
9...Cat: The Other White Meat
10...Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

Bumper sticker seen on a little gray truck in Arkansas:
This daughter protected by Double 0 Buckshot!!!

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is. I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,
"For the love of GOD! GO! GO! GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few more...