Bushes Jokes / Recent Jokes

This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romanticwalk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll hislustful desires rise to a fever pitch.He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don'tmind but I'm busting to have a piss".Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK whydon't you go behind these bushes".She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes.As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rollingdown her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches througha gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings hishand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!"."No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."

Once in the indo pakistan war, pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets.

The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of the bushes jumps cptn. Hari singh wearing a maachar dani! (mosquito net). He pulls out his ak-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off quickly. The next day hari singh gets a medal.

His freinds ask him "yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" hari singh replies "maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi?

In the following war hari singh retires and his son gyani singh (no assumptions please! ) Joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts gyani more...

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday Mass when he suddenly felt nauseous. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?" "I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK.''

A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods.
Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path.
"Oh, my," exclaimed the lady, "Come on, I'll clean you!"
She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter.
She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird.
Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem.
And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale.
She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling... Pssssst..."Hey, lady!"
"Yes?" she responded.
"Do you have a Kleenex?" asked the voice from the bushes.
"No, not anymore," she answered.
"Damn! Have ya' seen any Ducks?"

A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods.Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path. "Oh, my," exclaimed the lady, "Come on, I'll clean you!"She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter. She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird. Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem.And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale. She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling... Pssssst..."Hey, lady!" "Yes?" she responded. "Do you have a Kleenex?" asked the voice from the bushes. "No, not anymore," she answered. "Damn! Have ya' seen any Ducks?"

An old wizard was walking through a park when he came upon two statues. One statue was male and the other was female. They were positioned on opposite ends of the park, facing each other with their arms extended out as if to embrace. The wizard stood there for a long time examining their sad facial expressions until he got an idea. He immediately opened up his bag of tricks and cast a spell on the statues to bring them to life. Once the statues realized they were human, they quickly ran up to him. The wizard, being very pleased with himself, told the statues that they could finally be together as a couple but there was one condition. He said, ''Go off and experience with each other whatever you've wanted to do for all these years but you must be back within a half an hour before the spell wears off.'' Wasting no time, they quickly ran off into the bushes. The wizard, with great pride, sat down on a park bench and waited patiently. Fifteen minutes later the two statues came walking more...

There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?" Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying. One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, "Humph! I'll fix her."

He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing more...